Humor, Memoir

Why I’m Thinking About Cheating (Updated)

Kaitlin and I have been together for roughly a year and a half. I don’t ask about her kids because I feel like everyone asks about her kids. Plus, I don’t care about her kids. I have no kids of my own and nothing really to say on the subject. But she’s okay. I can make small talk with her, which I can hardly do with anyone. It’s not the worlds best small talk. I don’t think I’m her favorite client by any means. I’ve seen her with other clients and they seem to have a better relationship than we do. That’s my fault though for being a weirdo. For her part, I would say, Kaitlin is trying.

Another thing Kaitlin is trying to do is learn how to do color. For the last year and a half I have asked her make me blonde, no blonder, a little blonder, a beige blonde, I’d like beige blonde. Here is a picture of what I want. Yes, I like what you did but next time can we try for a beige blonde. A little blonder. A little bit blonder please. And yet somehow my hair is mostly orange and in parts still dark.


Of course I want to blame myself. It must be my fault somehow. I’m not explaining myself correctly. The picture I brought in was misleading. My hair must be the problem. Maybe it can’t go beige blonde. And maybe it can’t. She’s always telling the other stylists, when asking them for advice on how to color my hair,that my hair “pulls warm” which I assume means turns orange. Which it clearly does do.

I know that I have a lot of red undertones to my natural hair color. Maybe in order to achieve the look I want, I would have to do intense damage. Bleach it all the way out and dye the blonde back into it. Maybe she’s trying to save my hair. Maybe she thinks I would look bad with beige blonde hair.

Or maybe she just doesn’t know what she’s doing.


There’s only one way to find out and I’ve just got to pull the trigger. It’s scary because it’s a gamble. I am not a risk taker. I believe in sticking with the devil you know. I’m alright with her and she seems like she is learning. Maybe in time she will figure it out. However, the fact that she asks literally every other stylist for advice before mixing my color makes me think maybe I’d be better off going to any one of them.

That would be awkward, though. So instead I’m on the look out for another salon. I hate doing this. Before I went to Kaitlin I have never had a regular stylist. There was never anyone I cared to go to more than twice. So I worry that leaving her will result in me traveling around to different hair dressers for the rest of my life. Obviously I can’t go back to Kaitlin once I’ve let someone else do my hair. She will know. But the heart wants what it wants and mine wants to be a beige blonde. So the search must continue.

I’ll let you know how it goes. If this pays off maybe I’ll start taking other risks.

Probably not.

Update 3/6/17:

A combination of laziness and cowardice prevented me from attending any consultations and aside from the woman with the neck tattoo, no one really got back to me after the initial contact. So on Thursday when I got my text reminder of my hair appointment this Saturday, I talked myself into going. I have plans to go back again in six weeks, too. I imagine I will because that will be right before my vacation. So why take risks right before you know your going to take a lot of pictures.  

All in all, it wasn’t that bad. She once again got a little bit closer to what I want. It’s still pretty orange but I’ve got my toning shampoos. It’s definetly lighter and I feel like we had a little better conversation than we normally do regarding my whole going blonde situation. Without me really asking she explained that she was only doing partial highlights because they are cheaper and that this time she was only doing my base around the front of my hairline and around my ears, once again to save money and I do like saving money. So that explains why so much of my hair is still dark. Next time we agreed to do full base coloring and full highlights and I think that will help. Especially if I can tone down the brassiness some. I don’t know. We are getting there. She’s nice. I’m used to it. I’m probably not going to see any other hair stylists behind her back. 

I felt like a liar though. So I thought I should mention it. I thought about taking the post down but I’m really trying not to do that. I’ve actually written several blog posts and taken them down over the years. This time I’ve promised myself not to do this anymore. Whatever I put up, I may make some corrections to, but it has to stay up. So now I’ve made the update and we are all back on the same page. 

I will say this one last thing though and that is that I got a haircut this Saturday. I have a somewhat full face. Even when I was super thin, I just tend to carry weight in my cheeks and chin. I never want a haircut that goes above my chin or sits right at my chin because that just accentuates the problem areas. This is a shame also because I don’t have a lot of hair and the shorter it is the better it looks. I explained this to Kaitlin. 

I told her keep it at least an inch below my chin and then if she wanted to slant it up higher in the back that was okay with me. Instead she cut it right at my chin level and the bob cut she gave me was full and bouncy right across my chin area which not only drew attention to my far face but gave me the look of some lunatic woman in her 30’s with the haircut of a kindergartener on their first day of school. So she’s pushing me, is what I’m trying to say. 

Still it was a well executed haircut. Albeit not anything that I asked for. I went home and played with it and found that when I brush all my hair back instead of allowing it to fall in a bob along my chin line, it is actually really cute. It maybe shows off more of my face/neck than I would like but I’m trying to make it work. It reminds me a little of Lisa Rinna’s hair but less choppy and more blonde, or should I say yellow. 

That’s the thing with Kaitlin also. Usually when you leave the salon you feel like a million bucks and you think, “I’m never going to be able to get it to look this nice at home. Every time I leave Kaitlin, even when I didn’t get a haircut, I think, “It’s okay. I can fix this.” 

That’s bad. I’m really bad with hair. But Kaitlin herself has long, full hair in a coarser texture. So maybe she just doesn’t know what’s best to do with baby fine, thin, flat hair. I have had to learn. The products she uses are different than the ones I use at home. The parts she finds in my hair are different from the ones I find for myself. So that doesn’t matter. It was a good cut. We are getting closer with the color. I, for sure, have one more appointment with her in six weeks where we are going to do full base and full highlights. So we will decide after that whether or not I should find someone new. For now, I am reasonably happy. 

I’ve got a lot working against me hairwise. It’s unfair to blame her for everything. From auburn to beige blonde is a huge difference and I think (I hope) we are getting there. I hate picking new places. So the moral of this story is: it doesn’t matter what your hair looks like. It matters that you’re nice and faithful to your hair stylist and maybe in time you will be rewarded with what you want. Be it by coincidence or effective communication. 

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