Humor

Fitbit Dipshit

This is a follow-up to a previous post that nobody read but basically I have decided to jump on the step counting bandwagon. I already count every bite of food I eat. So what the hell, right? 

For years I have resisted this trend. I don’t know why. It must be the hipster in me. I did have a Pacer app on my phone for a while and I kind of kept track of how many steps I was taking but just casually. It wasn’t scientific. I didn’t take my phone with me everywhere I went. I wasn’t trying to reach a certain goal but I did technically have a Pacer app on my phone just in case the fake media finds out and tries to destroy my credibility. 


Now that we’ve got the disclaimer out of the way, I will say again, it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago I decided to start counting my steps in an official way. You can read about it in the previous post if you really care. Although, I don’t recommend it. 

Essentially, in that post I revealed that the equipment I was using only worked a percentage of the time and my steps weren’t always being counted​. So I postponed my step counting until I could get a more reliable piece of equipment. (A riveting piece of journalism if ever there was one.) 


I chose a Fitbit because even though I am a hipster, I am also pretty basic. I’ve been using it for about a week and a half now. I got the Fitbit One purely because I found it on clearance at Target ($30 down from $100) and I took it as a sign.  

Originally, I wanted one that would count my heart rate and work under water because I swim a lot but all of those go on you wrist. The Fitbit One is a tiny little device that clips to the inside of your pants pocket or your bra. Ultimately, I realized that that feature would suit me better than water resistance because I wouldn’t have to talk about it with anyone. Then I decided to write a second blog post on the subject. So go figure.


I do work with very competitive women and a couple of them walk every day on their lunch. One of the reasons why I was so resistant to getting a Fitbit in the first place was because I didn’t want to make my step counting an issue. If they saw me with a Fitbit and invited me to join them on their walks then that would be awkward because I don’t want to join them and I would feel obligated to. Then again, if they didn’t invite me to join them that would also be awkward because why do they hate me? I figured it’s best to avoid the subject completely, as is so often the case when it comes to having conversations with people. 


I don’t ever want to discuss my weight. Even if the person I’m talking to is talking to me about their own struggles with weight, I don’t join in. It would be easy for me to do so. I have a lot to say on the subject. I’ve been trying to lose weight for years. I’m very well informed on nutrition and diet and exercise. 

It’s just that it’s personal to me. It’s a sensitive subject and a frustrating one because despite my knowledge and accessibility to a gym, I really haven’t lost that much weight. Even worse, I recently gained some of the weight back that I had lost and I can’t seem to lose it again. I have no willpower. I am a failure when it comes to weight loss and talking to someone about it isn’t going to make anything any better. 


My two best friends are both in fitness groups. One is in Weight Watchers and the other is in something she calls an “accountability group” that connect on Facebook and they skype with each other. This seems to really help them and I’m glad for them. As for me, I can’t even make myself go to a class at my gym cause I’m extremely antisocial and I worry that someone might try to become my friend and then I’ll​ just have to leave the gym and never, ever come back.


Anyway, that’s it. I got a Fitbit. I’m counting my steps. I’m keeping it secret from the people in my actual life. I just thought you guys should know in case you ever do go back and read that previous blog post. (Which, once again I do not recommend.) Now we have closure. 

Actually I’m probably going to end up reviewing it at some point. You probably shouldn’t read that either. 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Fitbit Dipshit”

  1. Can’t figure out why nobody reads your posts. They’re hilarious and so unpretentious. Your honest humor really appeals to me. Nothing wrong with being anti-social. Avoids a lot of unnecessary drama, n’est ce pas?

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s