Humor

Natural Beauty is for Sunsets and Waterfalls


I’ve all of a sudden developed a strong interest in makeup. I blame this on a combination of realizing my face is melting and becoming obsessed with YouTube. (More on that later.)


I moved around a lot as a kid. I changed schools a lot. I even changed sides of my family a lot. My senior year of high school I moved seven times. So I never really had the opportunity to think about normal teenage girl things like boys, angst, and makeup. I was just trying to make it through high school, college-prepped and in one piece.


Who’s to say whether or not I’d have been into makeup if I’d had a more traditional high school experience. I probably would have thought about boys. Angst, for sure, I think I would have really enjoyed. But I wonder if, even in the best of situations, I would have given a lot of thought to makeup. I’m not sure that I would have.

I did have some basic makeup that I would occasionally try to apply but my face never looked different enough for me to make the effort. I had friends that would spend hours playing with makeup. Sometimes they would do my makeup but to me I never felt like I looked any better. I would sit there and let them do whatever they were going to do to my face and in my head I would get excited. “They’re going to fix me.” I’d think. 

I’d imagine that whatever they were doing to my face was going to make me look like a supermodel, (which was a thing back then.) Every time they pulled the mirror out to show me what they’d been doing for so long, it seemed to me that I looked pretty much the same. 

Afterward, when I became an adult and I had managed to turn my life into a calmer, more stable life, I guess I could have gotten into makeup but I never did. If I was really trying hard to make a good impression, I might put on a little eyeliner and mascara, maybe a little concealer.  I started to care about my clothes a little bit but never makeup. It seemed pointless to me. Like putting perfume on a goat. I’d rather sleep longer.


But now it’s different. I’m not trying to look pretty, I’m just trying to not look tired, old, and sad. So I’ll make time for that as a curtesy to the world. 

Also makeup is a lot more fun now than it used to be when I was growing up.  Thanks to YouTube its a whole thing. Even people who don’t have beauty channels still talk about or apply makeup from time to time.


Tutorials are wonderful. You really can learn how to make your face look like a different face. It is worth the time. We didn’t have contouring in the ’90’s. We didn’t have setting spray. Beauty blenders weren’t even a glimmer in their father’s eye when I was supposed to be learning how to apply makeup.


I pay attention to the youtubers. I look at what’s in their favorite things list and I go out and get the items that come up over and over. I’ve made a list of essentials I never needed three months ago and I am checking it off as fast as I can. It keeps growing. Going to ulta is pretty much my raison d’etre at this point. I mean what else is good in my life? Are you even reading this blog? All I do is talk about going to the gym and trying to lose weight. But I can’t make this a health blog because I’m still not an after.

It’s actually amazing the how the amount of product I use has increased in the last few months. I am worried/impressed with just how vapid and superficial I can be. I’ve went from never wearing foundation to requiring a primer and a setting spray and a special brush to apply it all. I think I’m going through a second adolescence or something. Pretty soon my husband will have to start limiting my phone time and grounding me to my room. 

The joke will be on him, though. That’s where all my makeup is. 

Stay tuned to see how I can fall even deeper into the world’s most shallow pond; beauty tutorials. Also, keep a lookout for my forthcoming favorites post which will inevitably show up on my blog at some point. Until then, keep blending bitches! And don’t forget, you’re only as pretty as your last eye shadow palette. 


Disclaimer: none of these pictures are of me but also they all are.

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