Humor

Duck 

How many goddamned Apple updates do I have to sit through before we can fix the assumption that I meant ducking? I know that’s probably a pretty hack thing to say. I’m sure I’m not the only one to remark upon this iPhone insolence. Seriously, why would me and my friends be talking about ducks so much, Siri? What the fuck do you think is going on? I don’t understand.


Is this because of kids? Because let me tell you something about kids:

  1. They’ve heard the word fuck.
  2. They’ve said the word fuck.
  3. They shouldn’t even have iPhones. In my day if you wanted to escape from reality, you had to take drugs.
  4. They have tiny, nimble, little fingers and sharp eyes. They are far more likely to spell the word they intended to spell correctly than I am of getting every single letter of a four letter word right.

Wake up, Apple! The children know the score. They’ve been streaming for years.  Just trust me on this.


Also, I don’t know why it takes words that are actual, real words, spelled correctly and just changes them to entirely different words.

Bitch, you don’t know me. I meant “plan”. I didn’t mean “okay”. I could have sent that without checking. Then I would have to have another weird conversation with my boss.

But I can never turn it off. The alternative is so much worse. I need it in order to make sense and even then, it’s a maybe at best.

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5 thoughts on “Duck ”

  1. This made my night.

    I turned autocorrect off a long time ago, and not just for “duck” or “shot”.

    Because of background in criminology, I need words like “recidivism” and “victimization” and “celerity”.

    And as for kids — when/if I reproduce my kid’s first word will probably be shit, fuck, goddamn, assclown, codsack or some variation. Honestly, the things we ‘keep’ from kids. I’d rather my hypothetical kid be exposed to sexual content, not violence…. which is the norm these days.

    But then again, I watched Chucky, Freddy, Jason, It and other scary movies as a kid. I think I turned out okay.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There’s this video, I feel like I saw it on fail army, where this family with their young son were in a car and mom is pointing out all the things on the road. This kid had to be two or three. And he’s babbling in this adorable English accent and says “fuck off”.

        I about died laughing.

        Liked by 1 person

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