Humor

How to lose weight on a budget without cooking

I don’t know but that would be pretty cool, right? 

But seriously…

Quit eating. 


Think of all the time you’ll save without all that tedious meal prep. Think how much money you could have if you just didn’t buy food. You could finally afford that new ottoman you’ve had your eye on. 

I’m obviously kidding but I’m also not. This is the struggle that is currently elluding me. How can I eat healthfully without making all my meals at home or spending a ton of money? I’ve looked into a lot of different options and so far starvation seems like the most practical option. 


“But Regina, what if I die?”

Oh, you most definetly will die. We actually need food to live. It’s pretty common knowledge. I guess it’s just a matter of your priorities. Would you rather be fat or dead? 

I’ll wait while you decide. 


Okay, well I guess some of you aren’t as committed to good health as I am. Fine, let’s try and brainstorm ways to eat better on a budget without spending a ton of money OR dying for the cry babies out there. 

Of course, you see the irony of me trying to give diet advice, or advice of any kind for that matter. You’re reading the wisdom of a girl whose been on a diet, no not a diet, a series of “lifestyle changes” for at least six years and has lost and gained the same ten pounds no less than a million times (not to brag)but okay, let’s do this. 


Prior to this latest attempt at weight loss, I have always prescribed to the notion that the best way to lose weight is to cook food at home. That’s a bit of a flawed plan when it comes to me. I was raised by my grandparents and they were raised in the south so when I cook, it ain’t healthy. It is, however, really fucking good so you can kiss portion control goodbye as well. 


I try to make healthy things but I’m always like, ‘you know what this salad needs? Butter.’ ‘Do you know what would make this quinoa more appealing? A heavy cream sauce.’ I’m exaggerating but I think you get my point. Not to mention by the time I’ve bought all the ingredients, I’ve spent a small fortune at the grocery store. And since most healthy items are perishable, I end up throwing a lot of it away because I lack follow-through. Don’t act like you’re so perfect. 

The same thing goes for meal prep. I can’t do it so don’t suggest it to me. It will piss me off. Of course I’ve heard of meal prep. I’m an adult woman in America. I’ve even tried it. I get up on Sunday and I make six or seven lunches and dinners and at the end of the week, I throw at least two or three away and that’s on a good week because I am a free spirit and can not stick to a plan. Plus, I don’t want to eat the same thing everyday for a week. That’s not even good for you, I read somewhere. Don’t tell me I can freeze some of it for later! Man, you are really making me angry, now. I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’m probably just hungry. 

Ingrate. 

So anyway, this time I’m not going to cook at all. That’s the plan. I may heat up a microwave meal or pop a stouffers-type thing in the oven but only cause I want to. Not because you told me to.  

So I have been doing a little research, and by that I mean I’ve been looking at Pinterest, and I was surprised to find a lot of low calorie fast food options at places I’ve never considered. Like McDonald’s for instance, I never would have got a salad there because I assumed that they would have more calories than a Big Mac. (I read that somewhere, too.) In actual fact they don’t seem that bad caloriewise, especially for someone like me who is fortunate enough to not even like dressing. 


According to Pinterest there are a number of low calorie options at fast food restaurants.  Notice I said low-calorie and not healthy because I would still be surprised to find out that they are actually healthy. For example, Wendy’s Chili was on the list and I just heard the other day that they make it out of old hamburgers that sat around all day. But hey, it’s a start. 

I usually eat out at lunch and I always try to make healthy choices but those usually cost at least $11-&12 minimum and I’m really trying to cut back on costs somewhere. So I’m going to try what the fast food world deems healthy and affordable and I will get back to you with the results. 


I would go into more detail and I was planning to write more but I’m at work and my manager keeps walking past my office so I’m just going to be done now. If you want we can talk about it later and I’ll tell you how it goes. 


Feel free to share any cheap, healthy food choices that you know about. Maybe some of you have worked in fast food and have the “skinny” (pun very much intended) on what foods are better than others. I would also like to know if that Wendy’s chili thing is true or if you know of any other disgusting fast food options to avoid. Don’t tell me to go to subway, though, because I’m not going to. (I have my reasons.) and thank you so, so much for reading this post all the way to the end. 

                                The End

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6 thoughts on “How to lose weight on a budget without cooking”

  1. This was such an entertaining post to read – lol, i’ve tried everything. Honestly, I didn’t eat anything but cabbage soup for a week and that worked but I think I died a thousand deaths after and now I’m back to gaining weight so I guess yogurt and oatmeal all the way and be miserable for all eternity 😭

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am terrible at dieting. I have absolutely no self control but even though I haven’t reached the weight I want to be, I’m sure I would be in a lot worse shape if I didn’t even try.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lots of celery worked for me when I was trying to lose baby weight/the weight I blamed on the baby. But celery tastes like crunchy, watery garbage so I don’t recommend it. Maybe with some ranch. Or buffalo chicken.

    Like

  3. Guess I’m not clever because it took me a few minutes to figure out that S in FAST FOOD thing, LOL. I am “trying” to eat a little more healthy but mainly what I’ve done over the last year is portion control. It was hell at first because I thought I was starving myself, but now I think my stomach actually shrank. A six inch sub (not Subway, Firehouse) will completely fill me up when I used to down a foot long no problem.

    Like

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