Humor

Hello Kitty

Okay, let’s see if I can date myself. I’m so old… “How old are you?” you ask and I thank you for playing along. Well, I’m not so old that I remember when comedians would do that “I’m so whatever” bit unironically. So I’ve got that going for me but I am old enough to remember a time when Hello Kitty used to really mean something. 


Let me educate you millennials. There was a time where you couldn’t just go to Target and find Hello Kitty everything. In fact, there was a time when you couldn’t even find a Target in some parts of the country. Those were very dark times, indeed. You couldn’t even find Hello Kitty at Venture. 

“Regina, what’s a Venture?”

Shut up! I’m trying to teach you something. Now where was I? Oh, so Hello Kitty, or more accurately, San Rio used to be a prestige brand. Where I live there was only one store fully devoted to San Rio products. It wasn’t just Hello Kitty either. All her friends were there. There was Chococat, Keroppi the frog, Spotty Dottie. So many, you couldn’t believe it. It was a heaven in earth. There were also a few toy stores in town that carried some San Rio items but the store, Tiny Treasures was the place to be. It was my most favorite place on earth and it was right across the way from the food court, my second favorite place on earth. 


Anyway, the things that Tiny Treasures sold were very expensive. I remember this one year, maybe the third grade, there was this scissors that I wanted there. It came in its own little, completely unnecessary case and I had to have it. They were like $20 bucks, which in the 80’s was a ridiculous price for a pair of small children’s scissors. So ridiculous, in fact, that my grandma told me, “no.” 

After she explained to me what that word meant, I was very upset. 

I can’t believe I found a picture of the exact pair of scissors I threw such an epic fit over. Now that I see them, I totally get it. I wonder if I could order these online.

Don’t worry. I did get them eventually but my situation was rare. This was before parents handed over control of their lives to their children. Most parents would not pay the money for these  vanity school supplies and toys. So the fact that I had them made me just a little bit better than everyone else. It felt right. 

Another thing about Tiny Treasures was that they had grab bags. Still to this day I will buy pretty much any grab bag I see. Yes, I know that grab bags are just a collection of shit that wouldn’t sell on its own that no one really wants.  But, oh the excitement of opening a present that you bought for yourself and have no idea what’s inside! It makes feel so alive! I hope no one ever gives me a dyybuk box because I’d be as good as dead. 

One year for my tenth or eleventh birthday, my grandma got me the largest grab bag Tiny Treasures had. It  was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and probably the happiest I ever will be. I don’t remember what was in it, probably just a bunch of crap but what a fucking thrill. 


I say all this to say, Hello Kitty used to be a rarity. It was not something shoved down your throat in literally every aisle of Target. It breaks my heart to see her, lying on a clearance shelve, marked down to $1.74 on a 75% off clearance endcap. A little piece of me dies to see her displayed next to Barbies and Bratz dolls like some sort of peasant. In my day, Hello Kitty was Queen Bitch. Yasss, God! A symbol of overindulged children everywhere. No matter what, to me she will always be a unique and magical gift to humanity. She keeps her secrets so well, bitch doesn’t even have a mouth. 

Here’s the thing though, I’m in my 30’s. I’m (mostly) over it. She will always hold a special place in my heart but just like that old high school boyfriend you still think about, I miss her but she’s just too immature for me. Now, will someone please tell everyone in my life that? Thank you. 

I have a Hello Kitty toaster that’s supposed to burn her face onto your toast but doesn’t, a Hello Kitty notebook, several Hello Kitty shirts and dolls. On my desk at work I have a Hello Kitty calendar and in the drawer, a travel brush with Hello Kitty on it. I have purchased none of these things. I repeat, I am in my thirties, people! Deep in my thirties. I could be president of the United States if I wanted to but I’m sure if I was, someone would make sure I was sworn in with a Hello Kitty Bible. Even though I would never buy these things myself, I could never throw them away. I just couldn’t do that to her. 


I guess that’s all I have to say about that. I love you, Kitty Girl but we have to go our separate ways. It’s time. 

Guys, I’m really sad now. I have bummed myself out completely. Do any of you remember Hello Kitty before she sold herself out to the man? Do you have special Hello Kitty memories that I just sparked? Are you sad too? 

Good-bye Kitty. 

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9 thoughts on “Hello Kitty”

  1. I was always more of a fan of the angry penguin Badtzmaru because he seemed like an angry and badass penguin. LOL

    I also seem to remember a Hello Kitty TV show, but I don’t think I ever watched it. Mostly because it was probably on cable and the only time I got to be around cable was when I was at my grandmother’s house.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Now that you mention it, I think I remember a show too. I never watched it either. I was really into school supplies as a kid. San Rio stuff was my favorite. I think Spottie Dottie was my favorite favorite but I liked Miss Kitty herself quite a bit. I just wanted everything. Even as a child I was trying to fill the emptiness in my soul with stuff. Just kidding. But no, seriously I’m so dead inside. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No, I never heard of that. Do you remember the Sweet Pickles bus? They had this commercial where this bus came to the kids house and all these giant mascot type things got out and came to the door. I think they were delivering stickers or something. I wanted it so bad but then my grandma told me that the furries wouldn’t actually come to our house and that was the part I wanted. Why did I want that? It sounds terrifying now. I had totally forgotten about that until just now. It seems like a fever dream. I wonder if David Lynch directed that commercial.

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  2. I used to be obsessed with kerokeroppi! I had pencils, erasers, doll, pencil case – haha! At one point in my life, I actually had exactly what I wanted and boy was I happy – thanks for bringing back good memories. Good to know I wasn’t the only one 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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