I don’t understand Nancy Meyers movies. I don’t know why we are having to deal with this shit all the time. I don’t understand why some of my favorite actors are now being lame in a Nancy Goddamn Meyers movie.
I’ve been made to watch a few of them over the years and every time it’s just like, “wow, I remember that I liked this person so much 20-30 years ago,” and the next thing you know they are eating lavender ice cream.
What the actual fuck? Who eats lavender ice cream? Why would anyone chose lavender ice cream? Why don’t you go eat a bag of lavender dicks? Lavender is a color not a flavor. I can’t even imagine what lavender tastes like. I just keep imagining eating a crayon or a flower. Get over yourself and eat some chocolate chip like a normal person.
The Baskin Robbins by my house, which isn’t even really by my house it’s just the closet one to my housebut it’s still a long drive for ice cream, the last two times I’ve been there they have been out of chocolate chip ice cream. What the fuck is that about? How do you run out of chocolate chip? Once? Okay, things happens, but twice? Twice is pushing it. Damn it! I got distracted by ice cream again.
So what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, why does Steve Martin suck now? He is one of my all-time favorites. I would watch him do anything. I loved The Jerk, obviously. My favorite Christmas movie used to be Mixed Nuts. Although, I recently went back and watched that movie and it’s actually pretty horrible despite its many charming components; Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, Nora Eprhon, California, Christmas, the mentally ill and suicidely depressed. What’s not to love?
I think one of main reasons I liked it so much was because Nora Efron wrote it and that brings me back to my original point, which is, how did we all decide on Nancy Meyers? Is everyone in Hollywood going into menopause at the same time? There has got to be some kind of a middle ground somewhere between “here are, like, the whitest, whitest people on earth.” and, you know,movies based on comic books.
What happened to chick flicks? I love all the strong female comedic writers and actresses that we have nowadays but sometimes I want a good chick flick. Amy Schumer is hilarious but I wouldn’t call her movies chick flicks. Neither was bridesmaids or ghostbusters or any of the other female driven comedies that I love. Comedy will always be my favorite but there is something about a chick flick that, though it may also be funny, sets it apart from other comedies. It’s like porn, people say you can’t label or define it but we all know when we are looking at porn and we all know when we are watching a chick flick.
I don’t know it just seemed to me like Nora Efron movies are actually funny, clever and touching all at the same time. Not only that, they had some sort of meaning behind them, maybe not Mixed Nuts but most of them did.
Now everything is just a lesson on how to be more tolerant of people or more excepting of everything. I believe you should be tolerant but I don’t think you should just like everything you come in contact with because it’s rude not to. I think you’re allowed to disagree with a person. I disagree with people all the time.I usually don’t tell them about it but I think they are wrong. I also don’t think it’s my job to correct them. Im willing to write it down and maybe they can read it later if they want to and correct themselves but I don’t really care.
I’m the kind of person who cares about five people, maybe six. There’s like five people in the world that I care about and everybody else, I like them, I like talking to them but I really don’t care about them. I’m not going to argue with them. I don’t care if they are wrong. I care about the people I care about and the people I don’t care about, well, I don’t care about them. Simple as.
I’m trying to say I don’t care about Nancy Meyers and I don’t care about J. K. Rowling either. I don’t understand what the Fifty Shades of Grey moment that we are having is all about at all. Who wrote Twilight? I don’t care about them either.
Nancy Meyers just doesn’t speak to me and I don’t want her to speak for me either. She seems to say, this is what women like. These are the things that women want to do. Women want to make lavender ice cream and redecorate their already nice kitchens and then fucking, you know, just sit on the sofa on their sunporch and drink herbal teas and get pursued like teenagers when they’re 60 years old. I just don’t think so. I’m not buying it.
Who are these blessed, bitch old ladies?I’ve never heard of them. There are more women than men,especially the older you get, and the men there age who are alive, they still want younger women. It doesn’t matter how sweet your ridiculous ice cream is or how nice your sun porch. It’s a man’s world. I hate to break it to you guys. I wish it wasn’t but I’ll tell you what, I’ll take it over this estrogen (supplement) heavy world Nancy Meyers is trying to cram down our throats.
Also, what’s that one with Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway? I mean, what? why? That’s not a world that exists. These characters are just so hokey in these goddamn movies. People don’t act like that anywhere. There aren’t these pure souls around that just want help everyone and do good all the time and want nothing in return. I mean, we all want a magical grandpa to come into our lives and teach us a thing or two. But geez, do we need them to teach us how to run our businesses for us and forgive our cheating husbands because we were the ones neglecting them?
I’m not even saying that these movies don’t have their place but they’re not a replacement for an honest to God, heartfelt and quirky, witty and hilarious Nora Ephron chick flick. There needs to be a new Nora Ephron PDQ because I’ve honestly had it with what’s available in this genre. I thought maybe Carrie Fisher could step in but I guess not. Do Nora Ephrons sisters feel like writing us anything?
I am saying that the best chick flicks being made today are Wes Anderson movies and he is a man and I think he might even be straight. So why is he the only one who’s putting together movies that are heartfelt and logical in their own way. They manage to be both artistic and earnest? He portrays emotion with dead pan characters and that’s hard to do and his characters have depth and multiple layers. They aren’t just one dimensional archetypes. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying.
I guess that’s all I wanted to do. I just wanted to shit on Nancy Myers and kind of ramble about Nora Efron and ice cream and the fact that I don’t care about most people and whatever the hell else I was talking about. I think there was some truth in it. I think we saw a little truth today, a little tea, if you will. I don’t know, this topic is too big for a blog. I would have to write a senior thesis to touch on all the finer points of this argument. Instead I’ll just be crude and simplistic…like a Nancy Meyers film.
Are you a big Nancy Meyers fan? Come at me, bro. I’m 100% not scared of Nancy Meyers fans. Twilight fans? A little bit.