Humor

What I did in my shower this morning. 

I thought I would be weird today and talk about something I like. I know it’s off brand and it may be a little unsettling to those of you who know me as a consistently negative and hateful person but I like to keep people guessing. 


I have found a new product that I am really enjoying and I thought I should talk about it so that you guys can enjoy it to if you want. I originally heard about this product on YouTube from a beauty guru named Laura Lee. You might know her. She has a pretty decent amount of subscribers. 

I am almost certain that her video on this product was sponsered by the company that makes it. No shade. That’s how she makes her money. She provides a service. She should be paid. I don’t know why people get so pissed off when youtubers are sponsered…but I feel myself going down a rabbit hole of bitching and we are being positive today, so big deep breath and exhale. Okay. 

You can all be sure that I am not sponsered because I average so few hits a day that no company would ever want me. Let my mediocrity serve as proof that my praise is coming from a genuine and unpaid space. 

Without further ado the thing I like is:

(This is very exciting!)


 Yay! Can you even fucking believe it! 

I don’t usually buy Jergens because it is a cheaper brand and I am a firm believer that things get better the more expensive they are. No matter how many times this theory has been proven wrong, I continue to subscribe to it much to the chagrin of my bank account and my husband. But Laura Lee convinced me to give it a try. So good job, girl! You earned that money. 


Wow I said something positive about a product AND a person. What is wrong with me today? I’m going to lose my reputation as a overly critical bitch if I’m not careful. 

Nah, I think I’m safe. 

Anyway, I like this product because it is easy to use. You apply it to your still wet skin while you are in the shower. It moisturizers which is good because my skin can always use more moisture. I am usually too dumb to remember to lotion up when I’m done showering. The fact that the bottle goes in the shower makes it much easier to remember and my skin is much happier for it. 


Another reason why it’s so easy to remember to lotion up is that it gives the added incentive of just a hint of color. I am very pale. We’re talking see-through, glow-in-the-dark pale. I don’t usually mind this but in the summer when I wear dresses and (very rarely) shorts, my legs can cause other people to go blind if they look at them too long in direct sunlight. 

Other self tanners make me nervous because I’m bad at blending and have little to no attention to detail so I always end up with streaky legs or my ankles and knees get way darker than the rest of my legs. Fortunately, this product builds up so gradually that it is forgiving of such sloppy work. You miss a spot one day, you catch it the next day. No big deal. 


I got the lightest shade of moisturizer available and it is very subtle. No one on earth would think I had a tan at all, let alone a fake tan. That’s just because they don’t know how pale my skin usually is. All this payoff with barely any effort! What a time to be alive!

When you’re done applying, simply get your wet ass out of the shower and pat yourself dry with your towel. I have read that some people have had issues with the product staining their towel. I haven’t had any issues myself but I’m not using light colored towels and, just to be on the safe side, I suggest that you don’t either. 

So there you go. No bitching and very few jokes. Is this the start of a new era for the Resting Bitch? No, you ducking wish. 

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6 thoughts on “What I did in my shower this morning. ”

  1. Based on the title of this post, you should get a lot of new hits from the perverts among us. Good thing I’m a long time follower or you’d think I was one. Hmmmm.

    Anyway, I will forgive you this one positive post, but please don’t let it happen again. I get up in the morning looking forward to your no holds barred take on this cruel, unfair world and what do I get? A testimonial on some kind of shower gel. Alright, the “Psycho” references may have saved it somewhat.

    The next post is going to have to be excruciatingly bitter and jaded or I’ll be reaching for the unfollow button soon! (Just kidding, but don’t let that nice beaaatch out again!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. Perverts? What are talking about? *blinks eyes innocently*
      Don’t worry. I only wrote this to take the sting out of what I’m going to write tomorrow. P.s. I have no idea what I’m going to write tomorrow.

      Like

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