I’ve always been a very future oriented person. I do things today in preparation for tomorrow. In a lot of ways that’s helped me. It’s why I’m not a million dollars in credit card debt. It’s why I’ve been putting eye cream on twice a day since my early twenties. It’s also why I perpetually buy and hoard copious amounts of soap and toothpaste. So I admit it’s not always the right choice.
Today I was eating a salad. It was one of those prepackaged deals from the deli section of Target. They come with a little cup of dressing. I’m glad of that because it’s pre-portioned and I can’t get myself into too much trouble. As future oriented as I am, I have no patience. (Story checks out because I’m always waiting for the future to get here and it never comes. It makes me anxious.) I don’t have the patience with this salad to evenly distribute the dressing and also, to be fair, I don’t really have a lot of room to toss it in the tiny prepackaged container. (I have a point. Stick with me here.)
I tried to coat it evenly but some of the lettuce had dressing on it and some didn’t. I thought of reaching the end of my salad with only dry lettuce left and I didn’t want that to be my future. So what do I do? I try to eat all the lettuce without dressing first. I wanted to save the best for last. I did such a fine job of doing this that by the time I reach the end of the salad I still have most of the dressing left. I have too much dressing left. It’s like eating mostly dressing with little pieces of lettuce in it. It’s actually pretty gross. This is not the first time this has happened to me.
Sometimes I save the best bite of my meal for last and I’m totally full on the worst by the time I get there. I can’t even eat the best. It’s not just food either. Certain makeups or face creams I like so much I never use them and then they expire and I have to throw them away. Certain books never get read because there are worse books to read first. I don’t watch my favorite tv show cause I want to binge it and someone ruins the end for me before I get a chance. Waiting and thinking of the future has not always served me very well.
If life is like a salad then how much of it am I wasting on dry lettuce? Am I going to reach the end of my life and realize there is too much metaphorical dressing left for me to even enjoy? Is saving the best for last really the best…or the last?
I know living in the present moment is not exactly a new concept. I have read my fair share of Eckard Tolle and friends. Living in the “now” is easier said than done. It’s more comfortable to live in the future or the past sometimes than to face what’s in front of us right at this very moment. Even though the present moment is all we have and the future and past only exists in our minds. It’s no more real than Narnia or Kylie Jenner’s face.
I guess I’m just annoyed that I wasted the dressing on my salad. I don’t want to waste the equivalent of dressing on my life. What is the equivalent of dressing in this situation? What can I do to make sure I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket and leaving them in said basket until they are stinky and putrid? How do I learn to just let go and enjoy the good things as they come to me instead of saving them back in case nothing good ever comes to me again? What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me no more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.