Thoughts from a recumbent bike. Yet another how-not-to gym blog.

I am so fucking happy right now. This is the slowest that the gym has been all year. It’s Saturday at 8:17. I can only see four people in the whole place. I wish I could just stay here until it closes but I have to go to target. I need to leave by ten. I want to do this recumbent bike for a while and then hit the weight machines and then go swimming. I will need to hurry to get all of these things done in the time I have. Right now there is no one in the pool but I am upstairs. I’m taking a real gamble that no one will be down there in an hour when I want to swim. Its amazing the amount of contempt that I feel for basically everyone.

Despite the fact that hardly any one is here there are two men sitting on the weight machines that I want to use. They are just sitting there. They have about a half and hour to move. Or else. Otherwise I’m just going to have to forget that part of my exercise all together and avoid eye contact with them as I leave. That will show them. I do realize how much easier my life would be if I wasn’t absolutely terrified of everyone.

It’s so fucking humid in here that I should be getting extra calorie points for working out in this climate. I can’t believe how warm it is . They usually keep it pretty cold. If I was actually working out as hard as I should be, I would be dying. As it is I’m sweating. The bad part about blogging while working out is sweating in your elbow pits from holding the phone up to type.


I never got to do the weight machines. I went downstairs to swim. There was no one in pool when I got there but as soon as I started swimming a couple came in to sit in the hot tub. That is my least favorite thing to have happen in the pool area. 

When other people are in the pool, they are generally doing their own thing and not worrying about you. In the hot tub, there is nothing to do but sit and stare. I wish it wasn’t in there. There are tubs in both locker rooms but this one is co-ed and couples will get in and sit there for fucking ever. From their vantage point they can stare at you while you swim. (I’m saying they could. I’m not saying they are… but they probably are.) They never turn their backs to the pool. They always face it. They are at the very least glancing over every now and then. It’s human nature.

I know that they are not thinking about me at all but it’s still enough to ruin my workout. I’m insecure about the way I swim because l,before I started going to this gym, I haven’t full out swam at all since I’ve been an adult. I’ve gone to pool parties and stood in pools or kind of floated around but real swimming I haven’t done since I took swimming lessons as a child. I feel like I splash too much and I make too much noise. I don’t like to do it in front of people so instead i just do this floaty move where I pull myself by arms while trying to keep my core locked and my legs still. I don’t know if it technically works out any muscles but I feel like it strengthens my arms and lower abs. So that’s all that matters, right?

Plus, I never put my face all the way in the water. I’m not scared to put my face in the water. I will swim underwater, no problem. When I am actually swimming, I am so uncoordinated, that I can’t figure out how to take a breath only when my face is out of the water. So I just never put my face in the water. Also the shape of my nose is such that water just always goes up into it. That is a problem as well. I used to do tricks in the water when I was a girl, things like hand stands, doing flips, stuff like that. I always had to do them one handed because water just went up my nose. I have a nose clip. I just googled how to use it. I was going to wear it yesterday but I forgot. Either way I don’t want people looking at me. So I get out and go sit in the hot tub in the locker room.

I don’t know what the deal is but the hot tub has been bubbling. Like maybe someone put bubble bath in it or maybe its some new cleaning system. I don’t know. When I was there Friday night it had some chemical floating on top of the water so I didn’t use it. I went swimming and when I came back to the locker room someone had used it and there were bubbles all over the place and a suds trail to the shower. 

Saturday night, that suds trail was mine. I didn’t see any chemicals when I got in so I assumed that was all over. It wasn’t. I don’t know if its something that some kids did to be funny or if it’s something new the gym is trying. I wish someone would tell me cause it’s stressing me out and that’s not the point of a hot tub. 

It’s hard to relax when you are not sure why exactly you are surrounded by bubbles. Is this a spa thing? Can I relax into it and enjoy this? Is this a cleaning product? Is it drying out my skin and giving me an infection somewhere? I keep worrying that I’m soaking bleach or something, and the bubbles keep piling up at an alarming rate. I keep thinking they are going to tumble out onto the floor. 

I like the cleaning lady and I don’t want to make work for her so I get out. I just wanted to relax for a bit and soak. That’s a bust. The pool was a bust and the fucking weight machines were a bust. The whole trip was a bust. And as you can see there really was hardly anyone there. They all just happened to be where I didn’t want them. Oh and also Target was a bust. But I’m going to talk about that later.

So stay tuned  for another semi-coherent bitch session about basic human interaction and my unfortunate distaste for it! 

1 thought on “Thoughts from a recumbent bike. Yet another how-not-to gym blog.”

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