Can you see my scalp in this?

Looking back, I guess I’ve always had thin hair. It’s always been very fine texture-wise also. But it wasn’t until a few years ago that it became thin enough that it was something I had to think about on a daily basis.

It was probably about five years ago, maybe more. I was working at my former job, where I didn’t care what I look like at all. Neither did anyone else who worked there. (There’s another post about that earlier in this blog. I would recommend you read it. I’m just letting you know that the information is out there.) Anyway, I never really did my hair when I worked there. I usually just put it back in a ponytail that was getting increasingly thinner. Not that I noticed.

 It’s hard to believe I used to be like that. Now, I dont leave the house without making sure my hair looks okay and my makeup looks all right. At the very least, I put a hat on and shop in a different part of town. But then again, I was kind of depressed back then. I wasn’t too interested in loving myself.  I wasn’t used to having to wear makeup yet, either.  Prior to that I had always just basically fine because I was young. 

So that tends not to happen as much now. We don’t have to talk about it. 

Back to my hair:

Originally, it started off as what I thought was a bad haircut.  It probably was a bad haircut but that wasn’t all. That was the first time I became aware that if you just ran your hands down my head you could definitely tell that there were some areas, the sides, that had more hair and then in the middle there was a noticeable dip where you could clearly feel that there was less hair.  A thin spot, I guess you call it. 

I do think it was a bad haircut, too. I think that the haircut just drew attention to a problem that I didn’t know I was having before I got the bad haircut. I will say that my hair was thinner then than it is now. I’m not sure if that’s a reflection of the actual haircut or a reflection of where I was in my life at that time. 

I know that for some people, like little Edie, hair loss is a result of stress. At times where they are more stressed, they are likely to be more bald. I really don’t know if this is my case. I’ve never gone to a dermatologist and had my hair loss examined or explained. Thatsomething that I should do at some point…and will probably do at some point…after all the other things that I should be doing and that  I am currently not doing. It seems likely that stress is a part of my problem though because stress has always been my number one weakness. Well that and my feet (Pisces). They are tied for one and two.  

My stomach hurts with stress and my shoulders tense with stress. Pretty much any problem that exists consistently throughout my life is based on stress in some way. Insomnia, impulse control, lack of focus, all my problems go back to a general stress that consumes me pretty much all the time. lol.  

I believe that this comes from the fact that besides my husband, I have two good friends and then I am pretty much alone in the world. I have never really had family I could count on since my grandma died when I was 14. There’s a lot of stress that comes from knowing that there is absolutely no back-up plan. There is no safety net. Worse yet, nobody is on your side. Nobody thinks you’re wonderful. I am lucky to have found the people in my life now. 

Now it’s starting to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself for not having a family. That’s not what I want at all. I’m trying to convey that I’m feeling sorry for myself for not having as much hair as I would like. Writing is hard. So many nuisances. 

I’m just saying, your girl could use a little more hair. Or a lot more hair. You know what annoys me probably more than anything else on earth? It’s the hair trend of shaving half the head or shaving the entire underside of your head. This bothers me because they will shave half of their head and they will still have three times more hair than I do. Fuck those little bitches. Show offs. Braggarts. Possessors of youth. Jesus, I’m molting just thinking about it.

I remember my best friend in middle school, Leah. She had to go and get her hair thinned out because it was just too thick. She just had too much fucking hair. Actually, I think my best friend in high school and to this very day, Jesi, also had to go and get her hair thinned too! That’s so annoying!

*This whole blog was composed by me yelling into my iphone. It might be my new favorite form of art. Of course, I had to go back and edit everything because you-know-who (Siri) is being a real you-know-what (dumb idiot).


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