Humor

What Happened to your Face?

Keeping with the theme I have already established for myself today, (fear of social interaction, people touching me, etc.) and the theme set forth by the daily prompt (local), I am now going to tell you about the time I had to have root planing. 

Hooray!! Hooray!! You all shout!

Calm down. It’s not that interesting. 


Basically, I didn’t floss enough and my dentist retired so in response to that I just didn’t go to the dentist for probably two full years and when I finally went to a new dentist they were like, “Damn girl! You’re gums are receding.” And I was like, “Damn! What should we do?” And then they were like, “Come back next week and we are going to scrape the area between your teeth and gums for several hours!” And I was like, “That sounds wonderful!” And they were like, “No, it’s actually going to be really painful but we will give you a local anesthetic so that you won’t scream and scream and scare all the other patients.” 

And that’s what happened. 


It’s a routine procedure. There really isn’t that much to tell about it. I could do the whole, “Why does the dentist ask you so many questions when they have their hands in your mouth” bit but that’s hack. Besides I already know the answer. They do it to fuck with you. Just be cool about it. They have to put their hands in people’s mouths all day. Let them have their fun. 


The interesting part of this story was the insane amount of local anesthetic that they gave me. I have had dental procedures done before, this was beyond excessive. My face (or rather my half a face because they could only do one side at a time, meaning I had to go through this twice over a two week period) was so swollen and numb, I couldn’t speak even when she didn’t have her hand in my mouth. My face was so swollen one of my eyes was forced closed. My face was so swollen that they asked me to pose for Mama June’s before picture. My face was so swollen that Rocky Balboa came out of nowhere and was like, “What the fuck happened to your face?” And I couldn’t even answer him because that’s how swollen my face was. 


I felt like I was drooling all down my face but the hygienist assured me that I wasn’t. I was so swollen that I couldn’t even wrap my lips around that tube that sucks the saliva out of your mouth. I had to reach up and pinch my lips together with my hand in order to create a vacuum for it to work. I was swollen for the entire rest of the day and I couldn’t leave the house. I had to eat dinner while looking at myself in a mirror so that I wouldn’t bite my lips off because I could not feel my face at all. Did I mention I had to go through this twice?

I didn’t feel a thing while they were scraping my gums though. So mission accomplished, I guess. 


Don’t forget to floss, kids, seriously. It’s way easier in the long run. Two sessions of that and I will never forget to floss or go years between dental appointments again. You know what? I’m going to go floss right now. 

Bye. 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/local/”>Local</a&gt;

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