Humor

Million time loser will never learn

Disastrous is a pretty good way to describe the first week of my "new lifestyle". I failed. I don't remember what the exact justification was for falling off the wagon in the first place but it didn't take very long for me to come up with it. Then I was off to the races. I was only a spectator at the races, though, because, of course, I did not run. 


However I got down off the wagon (and then subsequently was ran over by said wagon which then, quite naturally, collapsed due to its impact with my considerable mass) doesn't really matter. All that matters is that I ate too much, I didn't go the the gym even the three times a week I usually go. (I went twice.) I drank liquor at least twice (that part is pretty hazy) and I spent money, lots of money, on things that I don't need. In short, I failed at everything I was attempting to do last week. One justification at a time, I turned it into one of the worst weeks goalwise that I have had in a while. 


Nbd. I will start anew. I was supposed to start anew yesterday. I was pretty pumped about it. Then our regional director came to town and took us to lunch where he 1)bought everyone's food, 2)bought a round of every appetizer on the menu for us to all share and 3) bought two of each dessert for us to share and at least four bottles of wine. 

Yes, I have a great job but also, NOOOO!!!! I can't resist all that temptation. This was not one of those restaurants where they had a 500 calories or under section either. Even the salad has fried chicken on it. (I live in the Midwest, what's up?) So after what was easily a 1,500-2,000 calorie lunch (and that is with me trying to go easy), yesterday turned out not to be the first day of the rest of my life either. 


Today is a new day. Pray for me. Pray for my strength and if you are not a religious person then please send me your positive vibes. That's what I do. Although it doesn't have the same ring to it as saying, "I'll pray for you." At least it's honest. I don't want to lie to people in desperate times. I'm not going to pray for them. I mean I guess I do pray, I think we all do to some extent. I'm just not really sure who I'm praying to. But we are disastrously off topic so…


Back to how I suck as a person. I really am trying to piece together where it all went wrong for me last week.  A quick look at my food log shows a sharp incline in calorie uptake starting on the Wednesday. Looks like there was an ill advised bag of Twix bites leading the charge and then a trip to Taco Bell ended any chances for not super surpassing my caloric intake for Wednesday. 

Thursday brought donuts to the office and lunch followed by a second snack lunch. Neither of these days, did my fat ass make it to the gym or meet its step goals. 

Saturday I forgot to even count my calories so Sunday and Monday I said fuck it and didn't enter them at all. I had steadily tracked my calories without fail every day for at least four years, so missing that day completely ruined my streak. I figured I should take it as a sign to take a break and, once again, start over yesterday, which I did not do and here we are. Fat as ever. Fatter possibly. 


I'm not beating myself up about it. You don't have to say encouraging things to me. That's the thing about life, it's all just one day after another. I have read almost half of the book I mentioned on Monday's post,  http://wp.me/p6tGcB-l8 I find it helpful and inspiring. I think the few days off of calorie counting did me good if for no other reason than it gave me a clear stopping point and a clear new beginning. Which is today. I've had a healthy breakfast, I packed a healthy lunch and we are doing this, boy. It is on. 


<a href="https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/disastrous/">Disastrous</a&gt;

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9 thoughts on “Million time loser will never learn”

  1. Once again, your pictures interspersed perfectly with your hilarious story got me to laughing so hard I had a coughing fit. Thanks for that.

    The pizza slice picture reminded me of one of Yogi Berra’s famous quotes:”You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” God, I miss that man.

    Liked by 1 person

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