How to win at customer service by being a bitch

Okay, I haven't had wifi in my house for nine days.

I know.

I'm barely surviving. It's like 1995 up in this place. If I didn't have unlimited data on my phone, I would probably be dead by now.

Let me tell you what happened:

Last Thursday, early morning we lost power. It was restored by the next afternoon and that's when we discovered that we also had no wifi. So Thursday night I call my internet provider, Google Fiber, and asked them what was up. The customer service representative told me that the ticket had been closed and my service should be restored momentarily. Okay. Great.

So when I got home from work on Friday and still no internet, I called again. Or maybe my husband called. I don't know. It's a little fuzzy. Regardless, they told one of us that they couldn't make it out until the following Thursday, August 3rd.

"That's ridiculous," we said.

"There's nothing we can do," they said.

"Call back tomorrow and see if there are any cancelations," they said. We're a bunch of worthless dumbasses, they implied.

So, I decide I'm going to invoke my bitchy powers. I call again. I raise holy hell. I point out the fact that:

1. They told me my service was fixed Thursday when it was not so they should have scheduled me at that time.
2. Their technicians were in our neighborhood following the power outage and they are the ones who unhooked the wire, left the box opened, and gave the word that we were fine when we really weren't.
3. I don't think I had a three but you're supposed to list things in threes or it doesn't sound right. I think reasons one and two are enough.

I say I raised holy hell and I did but I was polite about it. I realized that whoever answers the phone for them has no control over these things, or probably anything, and they certainly don't deserve my rage, justified though it may be. I told the guy, "Look, I know that this is not your fault and I don't want to take it out on you. Could you please transfer me to your supervisor or manager so that I might yell at them instead?"

He put me on hold for a while. When he came back he told me he'd talked to dispatch and they couldn't squeeze me in at this time but to call back tomorrow around ten and if there were any cancelations they would work me in. He also told me that he would transfer me to his supervisor but that they would just tell me the same thing.

"That's alright," I said. I'd ran out of steam by that point anyway.

So we called back the next day and the next. My husband called twice a day for the next four days. Finally on Tuesday it paid off. They were sending someone out! He took time off of work to meet the technician who apparently came in, looked at the box, determined the problem was we weren't getting anything through the wire, (I don't know IT jargon, my husband does but he doesn't write a blog so just bear with me, please.) The technician said there was nothing he could do. We needed a different type of technician and then he left.

He did tell my husband that it was their policy that once a technician had been called out service would be installed within 24 hours. The other technician wouldn't need to come in the house. We went to sleep that night confident that when we got home from work we would finally be whole again. We would have wifi. Everything would be fine.

That was Tuesday.

I probably don't have to tell you, that was not the case. We get home Wednesday to discover, still no internet. Some one had been there and got power back to the line, or whatever but we had a problem with our "fiber jack" and of course that technician couldn't solve that problem. We needed the first guy back or another guy just like him. Could the first guy have tested our jack and replaced it when he was there Tuesday? He sure the hell could have. Did he? Apparently he did not.

So we are back on the phone again. Why did we have to call them? Why didn't they contact us and tell us what was going on? Why didn't they attempt to schedule us when they discovered this problem?

These are all very good questions. I have no fucking clue why not.

My husband talked to the customer service woman for well over an hour. I have no idea why. Her initial answer never changed. They couldn't send a tech back out to our house until NEXT Tuesday, August 8th. He kept explaining to her our situation, asking please could we get bumped up on the list.

She kept putting him on hold for ten to twenty minutes at a time and then would come back and say the same thing. I personally feel like she just sat the phone down and did her nails or something, worked on her blog, maybe, and then picked up the phone and told him it will be next Tuesday. Of course, we could call back tomorrow and see if we could get an earlier appointment then. Ultimately he conceded.

Then I called.

"Thank you for calling Google Fiber. How may I help you?"

"May I speak to your supervisor?"

"Can I have your name and phone number?"

"No, just give me to your supervisor."

"Well, I have to have something to tell my supervisor before I give you to them."

"Tell them you have a dissatisfied customer on the line that won't give you any information and wants to speak to your supervisor. I'm not trying to be mean. I've already talked to you guys several times. I know I'm not going to get anywhere with you and I don't want to be mean to you. Please, give me to your supervisor."

"Okay, just a moment." (This was said in such a bitchy way it almost made momma proud but momma doesn't have time for this. Momma needs a fucking supervisor!!!)

She came back after several minutes, informed me that that there was currently no supervisor available but she could take my number and they would give me a call back.

Reluctantly, I gave her my number and I told her to tell her supervisor that I would be calling another internet provider and if they can get here before next Tuesday I will no longer be needing the service of Google Fiber.

"I'll be sure to make a note of that," the little cunt said. I could tell she was not making a note of anything. The other customer service reps were useless but they were at least kind. This one was the booger bear. I never got that call back. I was so mad. The only thing I could do was go to the gym and angry exercise and use their fucking wifi.

On the way to the gym you will never guess who I saw parked on my block, a google fiber truck. I half-ass parked my car on the side of the road, got out of the car and told the two technicians my situation. "I'm just two houses up. I just need a fiber jack." Etc. one of the technicians opened his mouth to say, "Well, that has to go through…"

"Nevermind," I said, cutting him off. "I'm wasting my breath." And I got back in the car and drove off. Rude? You betcha but I am trying so hard not to yell at people who aren't responsible for the situation.

I woke up at 5:00am. I couldn't sleep. Why not call google fiber? So I did. "Dispatch opens at 8:00. You should call back then." So I did.

"Today's booked up call back at 11:00 and we will see if we can fit you in tomorrow."

My husband also called at 8:00 and his person told him that they could maybe get us in today and that he should call back at 11:00 also. He did. He hit the customer service jackpot too because finally someone reacted the way we were expecting all along.

"I'm so sorry. We will get a technician out first thing in the morning and we will credit your account and you'll get a month free." (I used quotes but I'm obviously paraphrasing. I didn't even talk to this person.)

So this morning they came and installed the new fiber jack. We still didn't have internet because, of course, it was turned off at the pole and, of course, that will require a different tech. He is supposed to come today. He doesn't need to go in the house so we don't have to take any more time off of work. So now I am sitting here, wondering if I have Internet at home. I hope I do. I don't have any fight left in me.