Humor

Oh! I Can Go Shopping Over There, Too! Another How Not to Gym Blog

Okay, so I'm at the other gym in my area. I've been here once before but only for a minute. It's truly bizarre. Everything is the same as the other gym except for its on the opposite side and instead of getting your towel from the front desk there is a separate desk with just towels. Also it just seems cleaner here. It has little touches, like vases with flowers and twigs in them by the sinks. You know, fancy shit.

(Also the walls are shades of grey instead of shades of tan, which is my preference.)

I'm here because my usual gym is having their pool drained and cleaned so it's closed all week. They put a sign up that said "The pool will be closed for our annual cleaning." I know they didn't do that last year though, so that's weird. It must be a new tradition. Either way, it's probably something that really needs to be done. I cry when I think of all the water it will take to refill the pool. Oh well, we will probably all nuke each other before we get s chance to run out of water so nbd.

Anyway, I thought it might be good excuse to try this other gym. I have been here before but I didn't stay long. Well, there was also one time when I just drove out here and looked at the building and left like the true athlete that I am. So I guess I've been here twice.

The first time I came inside I changed my clothes and got on a treadmill just so that I could say I did. I only stayed for a few minutes and I left without changing my clothes again because I was running late for something. Now that I've had a proper chance to check it out, I think I might have to make it my new gym.

(Also they have tanning beds here even though the gym I normally go to took theirs out last year. Now they have a spray tanner on staff but you don't get a discount or anything for going there. Not that I care either way. I'm not going to go lay in a tanning bed. I'm not a teenager and this ain't the 90s. I'm not going pay $40 or whatever it is for a spray tan either. I've got my Jergens in-shower. tinted moisturizer and that's good enough for me.

The thing is I've always drove to this gym from my house. That means I got in the car and drove straight west until the buildings got bigger and further between. Then I took a left at the Menard's, which I've never been to but it seems to be a sign that you are in the country. If there's a Menard's chances are there isn't much else around.

My gym is nestled in between the Menard's and one of the largest Walmarts that I've ever seen. Tonight I decided to see what was on the other side of the Walmart. I assumed corn, possibly horses or cattle.

I live in a fairly decent sized city but my home is pretty close to the edge of it. This gym is at the edge of that edge, or so I thought. I never have a reason to come out this way. So, I drive past the Walmart and I'm like, "Oh, there's a couple of fast food restaurants. Okay. Oh, there's a Petco…and a Lowes…wtf? …and a Henhouse, a Walgreens. Wtf?"

Turns out this isn't the end of civilization. It's the start of a whole other suburb. Can you even imagine the possibilities? There could be other Marshall's or TJ Maxx or Targets! Oh my! Who can I give my money to, please? Yes Gawd!

(Also there aren't any water fountains upstairs at this gym or at least I can't find them. I think the upstairs might be a little bit smaller. I will have to see how many laps around the track add up to a mile. At my regular gym it's 10. The ceiling is definetly lower. I still think I like it here better.)

Leave it to me to go to a new gym and come back with a whole new shopping area to explore. I'm proud of myself for going to the gym anyway instead of exploring more or shopping. Baby steps to acting like an adult. This gym is almost identical lengths from my house and work as the other gym. In fact, my house, my job, and my two gyms make a perfect square in the southwest corner of the city. I guess it's good to have options.

You know what I think is so weird? People who come to the gym to stretch. Could you not do that literally anywhere else on earth? I'm not talking about a pre or post workout stretch. I'm talking about the people who pick a corner of the gym and just plop there to do yoga poses for an hour. What's their problem? How much attention did their mother not give them?

I mean, I use the treadmill at least 33% of the time I'm here and I have a treadmill at home so I can't say too much about doing things at the gym that you could just as easily do at home. Stretching just strikes me as something that, I know for me at least, is better done in front of as few people as possible. There was a guy in the corner of this gym in, like, a crab position, gyrating his hips around and just really getting into it. I know because I stared at him the whole way down the track because I just couldn't help it. Don't you guys think that he must want me to, though? Maybe not me in particular but someone?

(Also I don't like the locker room as much because the aisles aren't as deep and I don't feel like I can hide in a corner to change as well. Plus, they don't have changing rooms like the other gym.)

Anyway, I better go swimming since that's the reason I came here. I can't take the phone into the pool with me so I'm afraid this is goodbye.

I will not go shopping when I leave. I will. It go shopping when I leave. I will not go shopping when I leave.

(Sorry, that was just for my own benefit.)

Bye.

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