Humor

Maxximum Security

I bought too much stuff again today but in my defense, I've been doing really, really amazing with my food and exercise plan, which I'm sure I'll talk about later. I have also been doing really well with saving money on my breakfasts, lunches and dinners by cooking mostly at home. I've also been doing well with writing everyday, not just on here but also other places.

It's all just bullshit though, little excuses I made for myself while in the dressing room at TJ Maxx because I just couldn't make a decision. That little voice in my head that tells me I deserve shit is a real pain in the ass. She seems like she wants me to be happy, that she wants what's best for me, but actually she's trying to destroy me and my budget.
I always have too many items when I head to the dressing room. Usually they let me in anyway. There is one store where they just hand write how many items you have. It could be 37 items and without blinking an eye the fitting room attendant writes 37 on a piece of paper and sends you on your way.

However, the woman working the dressing room at this particular TJ Maxx was dead ass serious about the no more than 10 items at a time rule. I know that she's just doing her job but, do I really look like I'm trying to steal shirts today?
I mean, I guess you can't profile shoplifters. If Winona Rider can shoplift, we are all suspects. (Yes, I still remember, Winona, even though Stranger Things is awesome and I'm sure Beetlejuice will be awesome too. Also I was never mad at you in the first place cause you're an awesome little China doll with an edge and I dig that about you.)

Still, I feel like as an adult, I should be cut a little slack in the suspicious character department. Shoving shorts under your shirt and walking out of the store is more like teenage behavior. Or at least it has been in my experience. That's another story for another day.

I had 18 items. That's kind of embarrassing to own up to but they had some good stuff on sale. I didn't know how many items I had at the time. All I knew was that my arms were getting tired and I needed to stop picking up things. I walked up to the attendant, submitted to the counting of my items and stood waiting for my ticket with the hand written "18" on it. Instead, she told me I could only bring in ten items and she would get a basket to hold the rest.

Okay, fine. Rules are rules. I get it. No big deal but when I counted out the ten items, she went back and counted them again after me and I had miscounted. I actually had 12 items. I don't know how I made this mistake. I didn't do it on purpose. I honestly had no idea how many items I had to start with and I wasn't taking counting them that seriously. I hadn't quite figured out that I was dealing with a fitting room dictator.

My miscalculation turned out to be a very bad thing. It put me on her radar as a shopper to watch. She thinks I'm trying to pull a fast one. She's going to keep an extra close eye on me, and she did.

When I was done with the first ten items there were three I liked and seven I didn't. I came out, handed her the seven rejects and went to my cart to collect the rest of my clothes. "Wait," she says, "I need to count what you're keeping. Okay. Fine. I passed that test. I felt like a criminal or at the very least a naughty child.

Then we had to count the other eight items. She double counted them. She was not putting up with any of my shit today, boy. I passed that test too. I tried on the eight items. I think I liked two of these things, I can't 100% remember but I did give her the rejected things, let her count them, let her count what was in my other hand to keep, and then finally one last count of everything before I was free to leave.

She counted the items so many times it was ridiculous. I thought about asking her if she'd just like to strip search me for merchandise. It might take less time. I really wish I'd counted out those first ten items correctly.

How can I say this without sounding like a snotty bitch? Hmm, I can't. Luckily for me "snotty bitch" is on brand, so let me just say, I spend a lot of money in that store. A lot of money. Too much money. If you took all the money I spent at all the TJ Maxx and Marshall's stores in my area, you would have way too many dollar bills to take into the dressing room with you all at once.

I'm not saying that this woman "should know who I am" or anything like that but I am a good, loyal customer. I used to work in stores. I know how people shoplift and fitting rooms are a common place for this activity. Shouldn't there be some sort of line we don't cross, where we don't offend our customers and we don't accuse people of things until we know they are guilty? Of course by "we" I mean she and by "shouldn't", I mean we damn well better not.
Isn't it worse to alienate good customers than to have a few $12 shirts walk out the door? I really felt like she was going to pat me down, check my purse, look inside my mouth or other orifices in search of stolen merchandise. She didn't.

And no, I didn't yell at her. Mainly because she wasn't doing anything wrong. I was the one who made a mistake. I also was too scared of her to do anything but submit to her relentless counting.
Plus, I wasn't completely sure if I was a criminal or not anymore. Was I trying to steal shirts? How should I know? I did count that first batch of clothing wrong. Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe I am a kleptomaniac. Maybe I have multiple personalities and one of them is a criminal. I mean there is just no way of knowing.

Here is where I'm supposed to say something bitchy and entitled like, "I shouldn't be treated this way! I am outraged! I will never shop here again!" But everyone knows that's not true. If I didn't go to TJ Maxx, what would I do with my life?
I did get a cute t-shirt, a fancy shirt for work that I'm wearing right now, a pair of cropped skinny jeans that were only $12, and two new workout shirts. So all's well that ends well.
See, I don't always have to be a bitch. The bargains act as a sedative to keep me in line.

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11 thoughts on “Maxximum Security”

  1. I’m the same way at Hobby Lobby. I cannot walk in there and JUST buy the thing I need to make the thing I’m going to try and make. I usually walk out of there with WAY more yarn than I intended to buy in the first place. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup. Especially now that they have their own knockoff brand of Caron Cakes yarn. I WANT ALL THE COLORWAYS!

        (I tried to post this before, but it kept giving me an error message. Boo.)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t know what happened. Somehow I switched this post back to a draft. I noticed it yesterday when I was looking through my drafts folder for something to post because I didn’t have time to write anything.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol! You were patient. I would have left after that…I remember I was at Ross one time and there was no one to help me at the fitting room so I just went in one of the stalls (like I (and the other customers) normally do – when no one is there) and started fitting the clothes. When I left the lady working there told me I shouldn’t just go in and gave me an accusing look. Of course, it didn’t matter that there were a couple other people who did the same thing. I just ignored her and left….šŸ™„

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny how the cheaper the store is the more they worry about people stealing their products but you can go to Macy’s or Nordstrom’s and just walk right into the fitting room without talking to anyone.

      Liked by 1 person

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