Humor

Hello, My Name is Regina and I’m Addicted to “Free” Items with My Purchase

It all started innocently enough with an email from Ulta. Earlier this week they gave me a 20% off my entire purchase coupon because I'm a platinum member. (Duh). So I was already going to buy something. But what? This coupon promised that if I pressed a button (Let's all just understand that when I say "press a button" I mean, "press a spot on my iPhone screen, okay? I don't know what else to call it.) Anyway, if I pressed a button to activate it, I could get 5x bonus points on any Murad products I purchased before the 19th.

I've never used Murad but I've heard it's very good. So I was intrigued. I don't need anymore makeup. That is a certainty. But skin care? Any woman over 30 can never have enough skin care.
So I went to the Ulta website. I went even though I knew, as soon as I clicked "shop", I was a goner or, more to the point, some of my money was a goner. That was yesterday.

I actually found a lot of Murad products that sounded like things I desperately need in my life. (Surprise, surprise.) I filled my online shopping cart full. I wasn't going to buy everything, obviously, I just needed some time to think. Murad products also came with a free gift this week so, naturally, that sealed the deal. I would have to get something. With five times the rewards points AND a free deluxe sample it would be rude not to, right?

Here's a tip from one semi professional shopper to another: Put stuff in your online cart, like a lot of stuff, and leave it over night or possibly a day or two. I have found that sometimes when you do this, the store gets anxious for you to buy all the crap in your basket and they try to coerce you into purchasing these things by offering you even more, or greater deals. I'm not sure if this is true for every retailer. It might not be true for any. It's possible it's just a coincidence when things like that happen. Nonetheless, it happened to me today.
This morning when I got out of the shower, I checked my email, I found another offer from Ulta. If I made a skincare purchase of $60 or more, today, then I would also get a 27 piece deluxe sample skin care bag for free. It is, allegedly, a $150.00 value. Offers good only until supplies last. I picked my product, deleted the rest and pushed that purchase button before I even dried my hair or put on moisturizer. I can't let those early bird deal grabbers eat all my deluxe sample sized worms. No, those worms are for momma.

I mean, wwjd? I think Jesus would realize that four deals for one product is just too good to pass up. Don't you? I mean, he was/is was? Jewish after all. (Is that too offensive? I'm clearly joking, right? My best girl friend and husband are both part Jewish and I always wished I was Jewish so I truly mean no disrespect. I'm just making jokes. I ❤️ Jews. I'll probably just delete this.)

So now I'm waiting for delivery. I got free shipping and it's not supposed to be here until next Thursday at the earliest. Still, I'm psyched. That's a great deal. Let's review:

  1. 20% off my entire purchase
  2. 5x rewards points
  3. Free deluxe sample with any Murad purchase
  4. Free 27 piece sample set with any skin care purchase

What's to say no to? I sure as hell don't know.

Here's the thing: every time I order something to have it delivered, I check on it multiple, multiple times. If it's a pizza and it has one of those trackers, like Dominos, I will watch every step of the way. "Oh, Stephanie just put my order in the oven." "Oh, now Peter is taking it for delivery," I track it the whole time. I don't know why. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-anxiety but it's just what I do.

It's even worse when I have a product delivered to me. I placed that order three hours ago. I've already checked its status. (It's processing, BTW.) Even though the website told me I won't get the package for almost a week at the earliest, I will check again today and countless times throughout the week. I don't expect it to arrive any earlier. I've ordered enough shit from Ulta to know not to expect that. I'm really just checking in. My delivery is my baby. I want to make sure it's alright as it makes its little trip around the country. I just want to watch it every step of the way. Okay? Like you're so normal. Geesh.

Anyway, that's all I have for today. I just wanted to give you guys a further glimpse into my many, sundry neurosis and also brag about my great deal.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Delivery

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2 thoughts on “Hello, My Name is Regina and I’m Addicted to “Free” Items with My Purchase”

  1. FYI, it’s not on line shopping, it’s on line stalking. Just search for something one time and you’ll have adds for that product on every page you open on the Internet for months afterward.

    Liked by 1 person

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