Birds Eat Grain (For Now)

"I don't care what anyone says, we should put more of a priority into murdering all of the birds." – Me.

I agree.

I don't trust the birds. There is something they aren't telling us.

Plus they shit everywhere…from the sky and they won't shut up. So fuck birds, nature's mistake.

Mark my words, one day they will kill us all and everyone will be like, "Ouch! Oh, the birds! Oh my God! What the fuck? Ouch! Why am I being killed my birds?" and I'll be like, "Yeah, mother fucker, Ouch! I told you so but you just loved all the fucking canaries, Ouch! Didn't you?" and then we will both die at the wings of birds and the last thing that we both will be thinking will either be "Ouch" or "Damn" and then that's it. The birds will have taken over.

Have you ever really looked at a group of birds? It's unnerving. They just sit there. They are waiting for the perfect moment to take us down. They could strike at anytime. They have that group think. I find that to be absolutely terrifying.

I know that you've seen a bunch of birds flying in elaborate patterns through the sky. Fuck that. Fuck all of that. We are underestimating them. They are practicing and you don't want to know what for. And I don't know. I'll tell you what though, sister, it ain't good.

Alfred Hitchcock was on to something. Motel owners are creeps and birds are the real enemy.

But you don't have to take my word for it. (Then I proceed to show a bunch of quotes from children backing up my claim.) (You either get that reference or you don't. It's not my job to spoon feed you cultural references from the late 1980s.) (Though you'd swear that it was.)

In summation: Fuck birds, especially geese. Ducks you're okay. Parrots? No, fuck them, too.

Good day.


8 thoughts on “Birds Eat Grain (For Now)”

  1. To add to your hatred of birds; a group of crows is called a ‘murder of crows’. I thought you would like that. On the other hand, I absolutely love birds even when they wake me at 4:30 am every damn day. So please send them my way!

    Liked by 2 people


    Mostly because this is precisely the time of year here in Texas when it’s migratory season for..IDK..some kind of blackish brownish bird and those things are EVERYWHERE. I’ve had people from out of state ask me, “Are there SUPPOSED to be that many birds everywhere? I feel like I’m in a scene from that Hitchcock movie about the birds.”

    Also..the doves that live in/near my backyard can go fly up a flagpole. Every morning, it’s”COO COO! We are DOVES! We are the only ones who get to be DOVES! COO MOTHERFUCKER! COO!” It’s bad enough that they’re everywhere, but they’re stupid birds too so we end up picking up broken eggs off the ground or dead nestlings because doves are dumb and aren’t very good nest builders. Or at least the ones that live in our yard aren’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My least favorite are geese. We have a pond across the street and every once in a while a gaggle of them will wander over. I look out my window and there are geese everywhere so I hide in my house. I think I’m a pretty brace person in general but I’m not trying to fuck with geese.


  3. Hahaha! I’ve never really understood the hating birds thing so this piece offered me a lot of important information. Your work is educating the masses.


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