Feeling the Sting of a Gay-ke up

I just had an impromptu shopping haul. I’ve been doing that more and more often. I think I’m losing my mind. It just makes me happy. I wish I had something else to make me happy but I don’t right now.

I’m in a fight with my best friend and he probably doesn’t know that. At any rate the fight is because he’s replaced me and so it’s more than likely that he doesn’t care that we are having a fight.

We’ve been best friends for over twenty years. He moved out of state ten years ago. He’s always been friendlier than me plus he’s gay, which no offense to whoever this may offend, but that does give him an advantage that lots of straight girls really enjoy. He’s always had girl friends. Sometimes he spent lots of time with them but I always knew that I was his best friend. I was the one he called when he got off work or texted when something funny or fucked up happened.

That’s not true anymore. Now he calls Allison. What a stupid name. Basic af. They work together. There are basically co-managers of a department. They both joined weight watchers together. Now they are inseparable.

I actually told him a while back that I felt like I was being replaced. It’s not like me to be like that with people, show vulnerability or self doubt. It just kind of slipped out. He assured me that I have nothing to worry about. Me and our other best friend would always be closest to him. We have a special relationship that could never be replaced.

He was lying to me. The only thing that changed after that is that he doesn’t really mention her anymore but her absence in his anecdotes are only for my benefit and they leave giant holes in his story that are presumably filled by her.

It’s a weird relationship dynamic between a gay man and his straight woman. I mean, each relationship is different but still fundamentally the same. Some call themselves fag hags. (I think I’m allowed to say that since I’ve been one for years.) Actually, I have always preferred the term “fairy princess”. It’s equally insulting to the gay but it makes me seem cuter.

I think there is a difference. Fag hags typically seek out gay men and they are the ones who may sort of fall in love with their gay. Fairy princesses are more like straight girls that gay men seek out because we are like gay men with vaginas and we are sort of fabulous. They like to have us around. Liza Manelli, Cher, Madonna, we typically share some quality with these women. Or we are just super cute and can be used as bait for attractive straight men. I’ve never really been able to pull off the latter but I bought a fuck ton of makeup so *fingers crossed* maybe someday.

But I digress…generally, don’t I? Back to the lecture at hand.

Gay men usually have several girl friends but they have the one special one that is their ride or die. That’s been me as long as I’ve been around. When we first met he primarily hung out with a different girl. When we started being best friends he let her go. I’ve always felt weird around her, the way that you would be around your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. You always just kind of wish they would die, you know what I mean?

Now, 20+ years later, I am her. To say it stings is an understatement.

He still tries to call me occasionally and text. Sometimes we can go days without talking which we have never done before. It’s worse when he does call because I can just tell by the way he talks to me that my opinion doesn’t matter as much anymore.

It sounds so silly and inconsequential to anyone else, I’m sure, but he’s not taking my tv show recommendations, anymore. Watching the same shows and talking about them has been a huge part of our friendship. I mean, he’s always watched network dramas and I just can’t with those, things like Nashville, Desperate Housewives, that genre.

I’ve always watched more guilty pleasure reality tv and stuff that is just generally odd. We’ve always had a middle ground of things we both like, mostly sitcoms, some Ryan Murphy shit that we usually end up hate watching. He loves Bo Jack Horseman. I only like it.

He used to put a lot of stock into my tv (and I use that term losely since I watch most shows on a computer or tablet or smartphone and I don’t have cable anymore.)suggestions

Now he doesn’t take my recommendations anymore. He won’t even consider Rick and Morty, which I was reluctant to watch myself because I hate gross animation but we both love Dan Harmon and Community. I gave it a shot. I told him it was good. He doesn’t care. He also refuses to watch Lady Dynamite or Wet, Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, (which did sort of suck but he doesn’t know that). Last year he watched the first day of camp for me but this year he won’t. It sounds like nothing but, trust me, it means something. He and Allison probably watch Riverdale or some dumb shit like that together now.

Also if he’s not texting me, he’s texting someone else and more than once he has texted something to me and then it ended up being something he meant to send to someone else (Allison).

This latest guy he dated, Allison actually found for him and when things didn’t work out and he found himself repeatedly running into the guy out in public, she was with him and even still he texts her about it. I found about it a week or so later. Those should be my texts. Fuck them both.

All this just contributes to the fact that I already feel super lonely. Sure I talk to my coworkers and I like them but they are all my moms age. Yes, my mom had me when she was very young but it’s still weird to me. I just wish I could make friends with someone who still menstruated. Pretty soon I wil be the age my mom is now but I’m not ready to go there yet. Still, I’m out of options.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll stop whining. I hope I stop shopping but it really has become my only true source of joy, I mean besides my husband and pets but they are always here, which is good. They are like a drug you’ve built a tolerance for that doesn’t really get you high but if you got cut off suddenly you would go insane and kill people. I’m using “high”, in the example, as a metaphor for happy. The only high I get is from going out by myself and finding great bargains. That and eating or drinking but I’m trying to lose weight so I can’t do too much of that. I can’t do too much shopping either because I am not rich.

I bought my whole fall wardrobe this weekend, which is fine, as long as I truly don’t go out and buy more shit next week or maybe not until the after Christmas sales. That would be the next best time to buy stuff on sale. I doubt I can make it that long. I already know I’ve got to go get that half price Lancôme palette that’s on sale at Ulta Monday only for their 21 days of beauty sale. I truly mean for that to be the last thing I buy for quite a while.

I’m really hoping that I find something less expensive or waist expansive to make me happy soon. I’m really wanting it to be writing and exercising. Just writing and exercising myself into happiness, that’s the dream. Those activities and also home repair and hanging out with the women who are my mom’s age but not my mom cause she crazy and she makes me crazy.

I feel so sad. I know there is not enough makeup or clothing in the world to fill the void of a deeply codependent friendship of over 20 years. Will and Grace’s original run began only a little while after our friendship started. Now it’s back, they are still together but I have lost my gay. I don’t even want to watch it.

I’m sad. I’m going to go look at amazon or something. God, the universe, or whatever please give me strength to resist buying whatever I am about to find to buy. Amen.



12 thoughts on “Feeling the Sting of a Gay-ke up”

  1. Shit!! Similar story. My best friend childhood friend moved on!! I mean seriously. He is not gay but we were really friends and now we hardly talk.
    I am the one who initiate. In my case some guy replaced me. And i was so jealous.

    But i am still somebody he shares everything with. I am still secret keeper.

    But i miss old days. I love the way u write this one made me laugh and i kinda want to cry too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I know we will always be friends but I am a little bitter right now that I’m no longer his “best” friend. I’m trying not to let myself alienate him even further from my life because of hurt feelings.


      1. I understand. The replacement he found is married to him now so i have no chance to regain my position at all. I am happy for him. It took time for this bitterness to normalize a little. We are still closest to each other when it comes to sharing but it’s reality of adulthood i guess. Especially if you both belong to opposite genders. You can’t talk for hours on phone which i miss the most.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know what you mean. I had a really good friend that I made just after high school. We actually dated for a second but we both realized we were better as friends. He wanted me to move in with him but I thought that would be too weird. Even though we weren’t interested in dating each other, I just thought it would be awkward to date other people in front of each other, if that makes sense. I also thought it would probably be weird for my next boyfriend, whenever he came along. I reconnected with this guy a few years ago (thanks Facebook) We went back and forth for quite a while via email but ultimately I felt like we should stop talking because we are both married and it just seemed weird to have that close of a relationship with a straight person of the opposite sex. We weren’t flirting or anything. It just felt inappropriate somehow. It sucks that you can’t be friends with the opposite sex without people thinking there is more behind it.


      3. That sound so much like what happened between me and my friend. We were biggest threat to whoever we both got in a relationship with. That was the reason for our alot of fights and misunderstandings. Even though nobody could care for us the way we did for each other but relationship/marriage is something else. We both are too temperamental to be togather so i never even thought about it. We wouldnt last 5 minutes togather. But still i get questioned why we are not togather. Its impossible to explain. He thought about it 2 3 times but we talked as there was no such feeling in the first place and we dont have to do it just because everybody else thinks so.

        I am hapoy for him. His wife is an amazing person. I was shipping them. But i still miss those times. And yes i have to stay in the limits as i might end up hurting his marriage if i start behaving like our old selves.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a Gay Best Friend. We lost our friendship over CA Prop 8 years ago, plus, his Gay Friends convinced him not to be friends with me anymore. It’s very sad and still hurts. It’s been at least 5 years.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I adore my gay best friends. However, this has happened to me and I just had to grin and bear it. It is like a break up – because they do spoil me and everytime I lose that I feel like I have to find a real boyfriend – 🙄

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmm it’s interesting to hear it from the other side. I’ve lost 2 ‘fag hag’ or ‘fairy princess’ because they got boyfriends and didn’t have time for their gay anymore. The feeling sucks whichever side you’re on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure your right. I’ve temporarily lost him to relationships a few times and he’s lost me a couple times too. Losing him to another girl is much harder.


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