Humor

Audacity: More than just a word

Hello. I just wanted to take a minute to shit on the Lancôme Auda(city) in Paris palette, if that’s okay. I went and bought said palette when it was on sale this week at Ulta’s 21 days of beauty sale. It was half-price. That’s most of the reason why I bought it. From the pictures it look like it was a really extensive pallet that had just about any color combination that you could want. I thought it was a good deal at $34.50, normally $69.99. I was wrong. It is horrible.

I’m going to sound like a YouTube beauty guru right now and that’s exciting and also somewhat unsettling but I know the correct terms so it would be a pity not to use them.

Not only does this palette have hardly any pigmentation, it also has a severe amount of fall out. In other words the color that you would like to be on your eyelid is instead on the inside corner of your nose and your under eye, “which is an area that you always want to make darker,” she said sarcastically.

It is so bad that I am taking it back to Ulta. I have a never done that before and, God knows, I have bought some stupid shit from Ulta.

I mean, this palette really sucks. I’ve tried it twice. I tried it the first time and it gave hardly any color pay off. Especially for the amount of fall out it kicked up. I was like, “Okay, well maybe I’m just not doing something right,” so I tried it again yesterday. This time I used a good brush and not the garbage, plastic brush that came with it.

I’ve honestly never seen such a crappy brush. It was made out of absolute plastic. I am not a brush snob. I buy cheap ass brushes but this was literally like rubbing my face with a Barbie broom or something ridiculous like that. (Does Barbie have a broom? Probably.) These bristles were clearly, clearly plastic and that is insane for something that is supposed to cost $70.

So I called Ulta to see if I could still return the product even if I pulled the little sticker off the mirror that has legs and a silhouette of Paris skyline. I guess gimmicky shit like that it supposed to make you forget that this palette actually doesn’t work as an eyeshadow palette, which is kind of the reason I bought it, so…

I’m a compulsive shopper and a borderline hoarder. The fact that I’m returning this product should let you know, without a doubt, that it is garbage and if you went out and bought this palette from Ulta on Monday because it was 50% off, I just want to let you know that you can put it back in the box and get your receipt and go back to the store and return it and you should do that because this palette is stupid.

If you’ve never bought an eyeshadow palette before and this was your first, let me inform you: this is a bad one. If you have bought several eyeshadow palettes before but you just haven’t got around to using this one, don’t even open it. Put that garbage in a bag and take it back to the store and say, “You know what a good value is not? 50% off of total fucking garbage, which is what this palette is.” (Don’t really say that. Be nice to the person who works there. It’s not their fault. It will just make things awkward when you go back the next day and buy something else.)

I have never bought anything from Lancôme before and I was actually really excited to get something from Lancôme but guess what? This was a huge disappointment It was worse than anything I’ve ever experienced eyeshadowwise. I haven’t bought a lot of drugstore eyeshadows but I’m sure that they are better than this over-priced, under-pigmented, fall-out-fucking-crazy, fucking piece of shit, fucking palette.

So that’s it. Also it doesn’t open easily and honestly, once again, the brush that comes with it is completely rough plastic.

I’m glad Ulta is going to let me take it back even though I opened it and used it twice, I have used the brush, and I took the stupid sticker off the fucking mirror.

I just want you guys to know, if you purchased it, you can go back to the store and return it.

Now let’s all take a second to reflect on what that might mean about the 21 days of beauty and how they’re probably just trying to pawn off the shit that they can’t get rid of at its regular price. No, no, no, I’m not gonna think like that. I love you, 21 Days of Beauty sale. I’ve been very happy with the other things I have bought. Lancôme is stupid. That is all. Consider yourself warned.

Wow! I really cussed a lot today, even for me. Damn!

8 thoughts on “Audacity: More than just a word”

  1. Ulta actually has a pretty damn good return policy.

    I love eye shadows, but I haven’t really been of the makeup wearing sort lately. I’ve been, more or less, rolling out of bed, shower where I wet my hair, wash face, brush teeth. Lotion, Clothes, make my hair look semi presentable and go.

    I own too much lipstick to be that low maintenance.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol! I’ve been having a really hard time with allergies and my eyes so I’ve been going without makeup this week too. It’s good to give your skin a break sometimes, at least that’s the story I’m sticking to.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Agreed. I have rosacea, which is for some people THE REASON to wear makeup so they don’t look like a tomato all the time. But damn… I’ve gotta give my skin a break every once in a while.

        Liked by 1 person

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