No, You’re the one that’s Aging

I’m in denial about a lot of things but the two major things that I’m in denial about are my age and my weight.

Every morning I wake up and ask myself, “what is wrong with this mirror?” I see my friends after a long time and I think, “God, they are so old.”

I don’t remember who, and it makes me mad, but someone said something along the lines of everyone knows that death is inevitable and yet everyone deep down thinks it won’t happen to them. I can’t speak for everyone but that is 100% me.

It’s just not sinking in how old I am. I’m sure if I had kids that would help to remind me that I’m dying. Instead I get to live in a fairy land in my mind where I am not aging.

I’ve always been conscious of warding off the aging process, even when I wasn’t paying attention to my looks, (no makeup, no fixing my hair, no wearing nice clothes) I was applying moisturizer and eye cream and using a clairsonic. I am so gentle with myself. I don’t even rub my skin too hard. I strap down my boobs with multiple extra support sports bras at the gym because I don’t want these puppies to move in inch. If I have to pick my nose I use my pinky finger cause I don’t want to stretch out the hole. I’m insane.

And yet I age.

It’s starting to become crystal clear to me that no matter what I do, what I buy, what I rub all over my face…..I am withering before my very eyes.

It turns out that I will one day die just like everyone else. I can’t believe it.

I remembered where that extremely paraphrased quote is from. It’s from my favorite movie. Synecdoche , New York. It’s a really good movie by Charlie Kauffman and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. We will have to talk about it in more depth later.

8 thoughts on “No, You’re the one that’s Aging”

  1. From the moment we’re born, we’re all dying. And oddly enough, I’m OK with that. I’ve had my funeral planned for years and I swear if my husband (if I die before him that is) doesn’t follow my directions to the letter, I will come back and haunt his ass.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The thing of it is, I think I will be fine being old. I just don’t like the getting old part, if that makes sense. I’m fine with dying and I don’t care what they do to my body. Whatever is cheapest. I would personally like to have my dead body thrown in a beautiful woods so that animals and plants can use me up. But it’s whatever. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No, that makes sense. The only part of getting old that’s really bothered me is that next fall, I turn 40. And that’s kind of a big deal though I don’t even know why.


  2. When I look in the mirror each morning (which is just about the only time I dare look in a mirror) I am always surprised to see some bald-headed old fart staring back at me. Who the fuck is he and how the fuck did he get inside my mirror, I ask. He just stares back at me and says nothing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mirrors are mean like that. I have a makeup mirror that lights up and I always look better in that. It makes no sense. Shouldn’t I see the bad spots if I’m trying to cover them up? Instead I walk away thinking I look alright. Then I see myself in a real mirror and gasp.

      Liked by 1 person

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