Humor

I’m so Hot

It has been my experience that once you hit your thirties, if you ever say that you are hot, some older woman is probably going to ask if you’re having a flash.

Yes, I suppose it’s possible that I, at my age, am entering perimenopause. It would be early but I never had kids so I’ve read that happens to some women. It’s not the only reason I might be hot.

I could be wearing two sweaters in a ninety degree sauna or sitting in a hot car with the windows rolled up and if I even mention I feel slightly warm some heretofore unseen old women will pop out of nowhere and ask, “are you flashing?”

“Bitch, I might be.”

It is no less annoying than in my twenties when every time I said I felt nauseous, the first question was always, “are you pregnant?” Maybe.

I guess I find these questions so annoying because they are such obvious causes. To assume that I need you to bring it up means to me that you don’t think I could realize that myself and, this could just be me, but it seems like there is always an undertone of hopefulness to the question. As if the other women are saying, “haha, now you have to go through this ordeal. You thought you just wanted to puke. ”

Of course I do look at everything through bitch colored glasses. Maybe I’m projecting.

Anyway, I’ve got this really awesome cooling pad. I wanted to tell you about it. I just wanted to mention it because, until I randomly found it in the check out lane of a Marshall’s, I didn’t know such a thing existed and it is the bomb.com to use the parlance of a time gone by.

I don’t know how it works but I feel like it must be something akin to how Bobby Boucher’ water from the Himalayas stayed cold all the time in the movie Waterboy and by that I mean magic.

It’s just this little lavender mat that is always cool to the touch. I bought it on a whim after a night of drinking interfered with my sleep because when I drink too much, hours later I get hot and then I can’t sleep.

I know what you’re thinking, “Am I having a hot flash?”

Bitch…I don’t know, probably. Does that make you happy? At least I’m not pregnant so I can drink.

So that’s all I wanted to say. I love my cooling pad or whatever it’s called. Whenever you start to feel flush, you put it on the back of your neck or down the back of your shirt or even on your little barren tummy and it’s sweet, sweet relief.

Whether you are having a hot flash, recovering from a bender, or actually warm due to some form of physical activity, (I’ve never had to use it for this but I imagine it would work.) then I recommend this thing. You don’t have to keep it in the fridge or anything. It’s an amazing product. Go out and find yourself one randomly someplace today. #notsponsered

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “I’m so Hot”

  1. Bitch coloured glasses, I think I must have the same pair. This post is honestly hilarious! The “least I’m not pregnant so I can drink” response is something I massively relate to on the reg :’D

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s interesting. I’ve always been warned by the older ladies asking if I’m having a hot flash that I would start menopause sooner because I didn’t have kids. I mean, for all I know I have started menopause (I just turned 38 last week) but I don’t think I have. I take birth control and regularly use it to skip my periods because I swim. I still get it on the months that I don’t skip but maybe I am having hot flashes.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. When your in it your in it and the hot flashes are nooooooo fun! I’ve learned if I don’t drink any alcohol then I won’t have any hot flashes 🙋‍♀️but I really love wine so I can’t do that all the time

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Regina Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s