Humor

Online Dating: Where my Girls At?

So…online dating? That’s fun right? Men are weird. I’ve been with the same person for 17 years. The last time I was single, there were things like internet dating and cell phones but they were mostly only for nerds or really sad people. Now they are ubiquitous. It’s a whole new world.
Can I just start out by saying that I do not want to date? I am in no way ready to date. I did go on a free dating app, just to see what’s out there. I mentioned this in the comments of an earlier blog. The future does not look good. I may find someone someday. It’s hardly my biggest concern right now. I was really just signing up to find some hope and to maybe not feel so alone. I would have rather met girl friends.
Here’s the thing, though, it is impossible to make friends with women on the internet. First of all, there really aren’t a lot of options app-wise, like there are with dating apps. I tried quite a few platonic social apps and very few women responded. I don’t know why that is. Gender is a construct, right? and yet here we are.

I’m trying not to take it personally. I mean, I don’t respond most the time when I’m on the dating apps either. So I get it. It’s a girl thing. It’s not me, right? Right?
Guys on the other hand, respond. They respond a lot. They don’t even need to respond. They find you.
My best friends talk to me on the phone all the time but they don’t live here. My coworkers are nice but they are older than me and/or married with kids. I just want to make some good girl friends to go out and have fun with. I mean, every movie, every single movie you watch, it’s always like, the woman finds her herself alone at the beginning of the movie and she is heartbroken and all alone. Then she goes in to one place, the very first place she goes, all of a sudden she finds not only one, but two or three women who for whatever reason don’t have anything else to do for the next couple of days besides get into predicaments with her and form life long bonds.
That’s what I want. That’s the happy ending that I am looking for at this point. I want to meet women friends online. The problem is that only men respond. I am only human. I just want to talk to someone. So I talk to the men. This was wrong.
Actually, this all applies more to the first few weeks of living alone. I have a couple of meetup groups, gym classes, and activities that I am going to go to now and maybe I will meet some best friends there. The first few weeks, I was still getting g my bearings. I didn’t super feel like leaving the house at all.
So I went online to make friends. The men responded, women didn’t, as is our way. That is the back story.
I was totally honest and upfront with everyone. I told them that I had just got separated. I wasn’t even divorced. I didn’t want a relationship at all. I didn’t even really want to respond but they just kept on coming at me.

I have to admit that I think it was good for me to a point, to have men pursuing me, even on the internet, even though they know absolutely nothing about me. Even though I know that they are probably just trying to hook up with me and never speak to me again and the only reason why they are coming after me in swarms in the first place is because I expressed some small bit of interest and as I have pointed out, girls don’t generally respond. It still gave me a little boost to see the number of people who “like” me going up and up and up. So, sad, little insecure divorcee that I was, I kept responding.
I must have had the same conversation a million times. I don’t go there anymore. I am healing as a person. I may go back but I don’t want to date and yet there are still some hangers on.

There is this one guy who told me that he went on a date with this woman and he thought things were going to work out with her but it turns out that they are not. He told her about me, though, and that if I needed his help he would have to help me because he said he would and she would just have to be okay with that.
Okay, man, sure you did. Who says stuff like that? Men just lie for no reason. I’m never going to be able to date again.
What kind of mind conceives of such a story? It was the most preposterous thing I have ever heard. I am supposed to believe that he went on a date with a woman, a woman he had actually met in the flesh and had an actual conversation with and while on this date he told her that this recently divorced woman with whom he had a few online conversations might need him and if so, he would have to go to her (me).

My hero! He is such a good guy. He cares so much about me. I am so lucky that I met him.
And what is he helping me with? Is he going to come and fix a flat tire for me? Is he going to help me assemble some furniture, or any of the other things I may actually need help with? No. As far as I can tell, this prince among men has offered, that when I decide I am ready to date, I can call him and he will serve as like a “practice” date for me.
Isn’t that sweet? He says I can even pay my own way to make me feel more comfortable. Yay!
Turns out that this is a common thing. Of all the men that I talked to originally, there were a handful that kept talking to me, that I actually had real conversations with about being divorced and feeling like I don’t know who I am anymore. A few of them really convinced me that they were my friend, they had been divorced. We were commiserating. Then one by one they try to lure me out of the house.
“No.” I say. “I’m not ready to go out. I want to take some classes at my gym. I want to go out to social events and meet some women friends. I want to sit in my new place by myself and just kind of get used to solitude and figure out what I want, what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“We can just go out as friends.”
No, we can’t. I’m not saying that men and women can’t be just friends. They probably can but there is no way that I believe that these guys that found me on a dating app, that were originally trying to date me, will be happy to go out and just be friends and not continue to push me into levels of interaction that I don’t want to experience which I have expressed several times right from the get go.
I feel like their logic falls along the same lines as how everyone wants to get a hooker on her first night out, before she catches wise…or a venereal disease.
I mean is that crazy? Is that crazy that I just ended a 17 year relationship and I want to take some time to myself? I don’t know if I will ever date again. I hope so but I surely don’t want it to be the first thing that I go out and do!
Okay, yes, yes, I was on the dating app. Guilty as charged with that but I stopped going there now. These guys I kept talking to, I foolishly gave my number to because they said they were happy to just talk.

I told them that I didn’t want to date. I have never, will never be a one night stand girl, or even a casual “friend with benefits”. So the way that I see it, either one of two things could happen. We go out and have a terrible time and never speak again OR worse, we go out and have a great time and the next thing you know, I’m in another relationship that I am not ready for and I never even had the chance to be alone. I DON’T WANT TO DATE ANYONE!
I’d rather die alone than have to deal with another man right now, pushing his agenda on me and making me do things I don’t want to do because he wants something from me. I am sure his best/worse case scenarios are far different from mine.

See! This is why women don’t respond. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s just going to ask you for some milk.
Then this guy asked me if I need my pussy ate. I wanted to correct him that it’s actually, “Would you like your pussy eaten?” but instead I respectfully declined and unmatched with him. Still, I admire his forthrightness.
Jesus Christ! I’m going to die alone.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Online Dating: Where my Girls At?”

  1. I always wondered why having oral sex on a female is called eating out, I mean like am I supposed to bring a fork and knife along with me to get the job done properly? Another think that bothers me is why is there is always a Walgreens across the street from every CVS?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This isn’t going to make you feel any better, but my take on online dating is there are two types of guys out there: total losers and those that aspire to be total losers, but got a late start. My guess is, the nice guy you are surely going to find is someone you already know, even if only casually.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s