My friend Jennifer told me I was a good dancer but she was a bad friend and a lying ass ho. I can't dance. I'm actually a horrible dancer. I like to dance and to this day you can find me in my basement with my headphones in just going off to some sick ass… Continue reading Undulate, Undulate, Arriba, Arriba!!!!
I'm in denial about a lot of things but the two major things that I'm in denial about are my age and my weight. Every morning I wake up and ask myself, "what is wrong with this mirror?" I see my friends after a long time and I think, "God, they are so old." I… Continue reading No, You’re the one that’s Aging
I faint. I have since high school. I remember the first time that it happened. I was at my after school job at Radio Shack, standing in the back room. I took a big swig from my 20 oz Coke and it's like it got caught in my throat. It was too much at once… Continue reading Views from the Floor, Alt Title: I’ve Fallen and I will be up in a Minute, Just Relax.
It's Halloween, that special day that comes once a year when I turn off all the lights and hide in my basement lest those kiddies come and try to take my candy. I've never been one for Halloween. I have a friend who is really into it and has asked me to dress up with… Continue reading Why not be Ghoulish Everyday?
"And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to Conquer" ~ Han's Gruber, Die Hard (1988) That's the way I feel when I look at my makeup collection. I went to Ulta today. I was there for easily an hour. I bought nothing. I picked up… Continue reading More Deep Thoughts on Shallow Subjects.
I recently went on a bit of a shopping spree. After possibly over a year of hating Macy's, momma came home and was rewarded with a treasure trove of fashion. I bought so so many things that I absolutely love, could-not-possibly-live -without, so-cute-I-can't-even-stand-it clothes. Some of it was summer clearance, some was fall basics, and… Continue reading Can you see my age in this?
I don't know if anyone else has this problem but I always seem to come across overly polite drivers when I am out and about. I am talking about the people that wave for you to go first at a four way stop even though they were obviously there before you. I am also talking… Continue reading Stop Being Nice to Me
Another downside to the gym that we never talk about is the fact that I feel like I have to go there three times a week at least which means that I feel like I shouldn't be at home at least three nights a week and because even if I only make it to the… Continue reading This would be different if I was actually athletic
Okay, just sit down and try to write something. Anything. Just something. It would be nice if something publishable would actually pop out of my brain. For once. Just try to think of something to say that isn’t just whining about your life. Say something helpful. Say something useful. Bitch about someone. Let's see, who… Continue reading How Not to be a Writer
I was just thinking abut this the other day. I was trying to explain to an imaginary person how I looked so great for my age, today (I don't know, I don't know. (that's for all of you die hard abfab fans.)) https://youtu.be/k21voG2lkJU Don't act like I'm the only one who does it either. We've… Continue reading How did you get so old, so soon?