Humor

Famous Last Words?

Okay, after putting it off for as long as I could the moment has arrived when I have to let my husband bleach my hair. What have I done? I have talked myself out of and into this a million times in the past few months but last week I ordered the supplies from Sally’s website, so it’s a done deal. My roots are telling me that it has to be this week. They’re actually telling me it should have been last week or possibly three weeks ago. Plus, they were never really done correctly in the first place, which is why I’ve decided to do it at home, or rather, let my husband do it. 

It’s times like these that I wish I had a religion and that I could pray to a god for mercy. I am. Don’t get me wrong, I am. I just don’t 100% get comfort from it. It just doesn’t seem that likely that God Almighty is going to be thinking about my hair right now. I do hope he is. That would be fucking awesome.  I’m just trying to be calm. 

I would feel this way if I were going to a new salon also. That’s why I stayed with my former bair dresser as long as I did. She never once did my hair the way I wanted but I was somewhat comfortable with her. Going to the hair stylist is not a good time for me. If there are four things I hate they are, in this order:

  1. Making small talk
  2. Being touched by strangers
  3. Looking at myself in a mirror in public
  4. Having critical discussions about my looks any time but with a stranger, also worse. 

So I hate going to a salon. It’s hell to me. Also sometimes there are kids there. 

When you get your hair colored, you have to be there for hours. You’re just sitting there, looking at yourself. Looking at your phone but not really looking too much at your phone because you never know when the stylist is going to come popping up behind you and you’re on Facebook or something embarrassing like that and you have to react like you were looking at porn by instinctively closing the app and hiding the screen.  Is this relatable at all? I know I have social anxiety problems. I’m pretty tightly wound, I know that. 

So I’m doing this to save money, and I will save a lot of money and that’s good. I’m also doing it to avoid having to find a new salon. And if Kaitlin could actually do a good job I would have just continued to go to her and paid the money. I really don’t want to go to a new salon. I have a lot riding on this because if we fuck my hair up, not only do I have to go to a new salon, I have to go to a new salon with my hair all fucked up. 

I went to a salon at Ulta to get my haircut. I don’t think I told you about that. I went to a woman there and it was a whole thing. I was going to write a blog post about it. Instead I wrote a letter to Ulta and they responded and I ended up feeling bad. I shouldn’t have complained. It’s not that bad. I’ve taken to writing angry letters to companies. I don’t know when this started. 

I  can never go there again but I didn’t want to. She was kind of snotty and she threatened me on the phone before I came in that if I missed my appointment I would never be able to book an appointment at ulta again. She was a trip. She said she could get my hair the color I wanted it in one trip. She also cut my hair too short. So I don’t trust her to listen to me. 

I just want someone who will listen to me. I chose my husband. How dumb is that?

I will still have to go to a salon to get my hair cut but that doesn’t take very long. I might try and trim my own bangs. I’ll watch some YouTube about it. 

So stay tuned for that and all the other misadventures about to go down, on the crown, of my hair, and the rest of my hair on the next installment of, “sometimes I just get an idea in my head and I know it won’t go out of my head until I at least try it.”

Until then, don’t forget to tip your stylists!

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3 thoughts on “Famous Last Words?”

  1. You are NOT the first person I’ve heard the “Well if you don’t do this specific thing you can NEVER EVER EVER book an appointment at ANY Ulta again!” thing from. I think it’s a thing with them or something. IDK. Which is why I never go to fancy salons…I don’t think I could take that kind of pressure. Yikes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really? I thought that was very rude. She automatically scheduled me for a follow up appointment at the end of my visit and I was still planning on going even though I didn’t like her or what she did to my hair because I was afraid of cancelling and getting put on Ulta’s bad list. I did cancel though. If they don’t like it, that’s probably for the best anyway.

      Like

      1. Yup. I don’t remember who else told me or where else I’ve read it,but this kinda seems to be a THING with Ulta. Maybe all high end salons are that way, IDK. I’ve never been in one.

        Liked by 1 person

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