Humor

Am I being ripped off?

I’m walking on the treadmill again so that I can send you another one of my riveting how not to gym blogs. It’s a sacrifice but you’re all worth it to me. You’re welcome. It is quite a sacrifice. You know how dedicated I am to working out and fitness. Well,not really but, ‘you know how half assed I am about fitness’ doesn’t sound as good. So print the legend. 


I’m also walking slowly now cause I’m trying to unjack my back. The chiropractor said walking around would help to loosen up the knot in my back and  get my blood flowing. I don’t think that he meant running full out or using the elliptical or any of the other myriad of things I should be capable of doing by now. If I start running now that’s going stress me out and tense me up.

 It’s not going to help my back. 

He also said ice is good and heat is bad but I will be damned if I’m not going to get in the hot tub and have a steam after this. Check back with me tomorrow to see if that was a good idea or not. 


I don’t know if going to the chiropractor is helping me. I still kind of feel like it’s probably all bullshit. I mean no disrespect towards people who are chiropractors or who really like their chiropractor. I’ve just heard a lot of people say it’s bullshit and I can’t say for sure that it’s not yet. 

I still don’t have perfect posture. It does feel a little more relaxed when I do stand up straight. It seems less unnatural. My coworkers and I went out to lunch for cinco de mayo and we sat in a bench and i had to stay very still. I didn’t get fidgety or uncomfortable like I usually would but I don’t know if that’s worth $600. 


It would be if it was permanent but is this feeling going to go away when I stop seeing the chiropractor three times a week? Or more importantly, is there something I could be doing myself that would have the same effect as what they are doing? Do I have to keep going to the chiropractor for the rest of my life now? Cause I’ve got to tell you…not a fan. 

I don’t like to be touched by strangers, first of all, or really anyone besides my husband. My two best friends in the world, who are my family, live out of town and when they come to visit, they don’t necessarily make a move to hug me.  I’m not upset by this but I have noticed. It’s not because they don’t love me. It’s because they know me so well. I’m not a toucher. 


So I go in and there is a tiny lobby and a snotty little child receptionist, who, God love her, is trying to be polite. Some days I’m the only one there and other days it’s packed. I can’t tell why. Oh, and the parking is horrible. Plus, I don’t know why I chose the part of town I did but I really didn’t know I would be going everyday for ever. 

Anyway, it’s kind of a weird repertoire that I have with the receptionist that’s usually there. It’s a little better with the alternate one but it’s still awkward. They have to put these electrodes on my back and in order to do so they have to reach their hands down the back of my shirt. I find this uncomfortable. 


It’s not like when a nurse does it. You can tell these are just young girls who applied to work at the front desk of a chiropractor…and who now attach electrodes to me…regularly. They then tilt me back in a massage chair that just grabs and pulls and squishes me. They attach these electrodes in front of up to four other people and all the while we have to make awkward conversation. That gets more awkward with each passing visit by virtue of the fact that it never gets less awkward and at this point it probably should be. 

So tell me that stressful social interaction is helping with my neck tension. I doubt it is. Neither is me speeding across town to get to a crowded section of the city in the middle of rush hour because I’m always running late for my appointment. 


And we haven’t even talked about the chiropractor,himself. We talked at the first meeting when we took X-rays and established what my issues are but now it’s more a quick, “Hey, how are you?” And lie face down on the table while I push your butt. Then we turn to one side, then the other, then lay on my back while he grabs my ears and tries to rip my head off. It’s like the really bad sex you had when you were young and your partner wants to change positions every five seconds so you can’t ever get into a rhythm. 


But instead of having sex he’s trying to snap your spine. And instead of buying you dinner first, he’s charging you money. Like I said, not a fan. 

Oh, and no matter how many times I’ve gone through this, I can’t figure out how to put my arms and legs. He told me he will always move them where he wants anyway but that’s always an odd sensation as well. One time he actually laughed in my face. (Like I said, I’m a tense person. That is literally why I’m there.) but he goes to do this move on me, my least favorite, where he holds me like a baby and rocks down on top of me to crack my spine. I don’t know, maybe I had a look on my face but he just looks down at me and starts laughing. “What?” I say. He just told me I need to try and relax. Understatement of the year. 

This is the exact position that we were doing when he laughed at me.

Also, I have actually been in more pain since going there. Pain that I’ve never felt before from sitting a certain way I previously sat all the time. One morning I woke up in pain through my ribs. It hurt when I breathed. I told him that at our appointment that afternoon and he did some things to me and when he was done, I felt even worse. My butt hurt from just driving my car a distance. It still hurt in the morning but felt fine by the end of the day. I didn’t go to the chiropractor that day. So is this actually hurting me in the long run? 


But then again, he says that I have an old trauma in my neck and he does this thing where I lay on the side of my face and he tried to pop my neck.  When I’m on the right side of my face it’s really painful and it won’t pop. The other side never hurts and last time it did pop. I would really like to get that kink worked out before I stop going.  I mean I’ve gone this long, I may as well finish. He said four to six weeks. This is after the first treatment in the fourth week. Maybe I should just see it through. I can’t decide. I think I’m going to stop going after every appointment and then I end up going back. 


I do really like the machines because they are not people. So I’m okay with them touching me. The massage chairs are great. There is this bed he has me lay on sometimes that has a roller built into it and it rolls up and down my shoulders and back. It’s supposed to elongate the muscles or something. I like that thing and my favorite one is the machine where he straps my head into a brace and then tightens down on my neck with these padded clamps. This machine is supposed to pull my neck out of my back. This seems like something I need. We’ve already established my neck is the problem. I like to imagine one day it’s going to pull just right and my neck will give a big pop, emerge from its ill advised home in between my shoulders and I will be cured and maybe even taller. It’s that hope that keeps me going back. Maybe today will be the day. 

So I’m really asking, have any of you been to a chiropractor or maybe you are a chiropractor? Does this sound similar to your experiences? How did things work out for you? Are you better or worse for having gone? Do you still go? How often? How much did it cost? Once again, any and all information on this matter would be much appreciated. I legitimately don’t know what to do or how long I should keep doing this. Help momma. 

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9 thoughts on “Am I being ripped off?”

  1. I originally really liked my chiropractor. But I accidentally punched him in the dick when I was pulling my shirt down. Oops.

    I remember specifically asking him if I had a bulging or herniated disc causing sciatica — “Nope”

    Later I was having crippling sciatica pain and over the weekend and had to be taken to the ER. They did an x-ray.

    Behold my bulging disc pressing on my sciatic nerve!

    Referred to physical therapy, which helped wayyyyy more than the chiropractor ever did. He wanted to see me twice a week at $40 a visit. Physical therapist wanted to see me once every two weeks, and gave me tons of homework. I was discharged from physical therapy in six weeks feeling tons better. Also $320/month for chiropractor or $80/month for physical therapy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! This is very helpful information. I’m going to look into my physical therapy options. I’m glad you punched him in the dick. I only lightly grazed mines dick once when he was doing his hold and smush technique.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol. It was completely by accident.

        But physical therapy worked a lot better. You just gotta make sure you do the exercises.

        Because my disc was bulging, they made me do these weird kind of “Ariel on the rock” exercises that were designed to push the bulge back in the hole and allow the cartilage to heal over the hole.

        Essentially, lay flat on your stomach, and push yourself up with your arms as high as you can while keeping your pelvis still on the ground.

        Also, yoga helped so much. I did “lazy” yoga, where most of it was floor stretches. My yoga instructor was so sweet and before class you could ask for stretches focusing on specific areas, and she would include extra stretches in that area. For instance, with hips and lower back, we did a lot of frog poses and half lord of the fishes.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re pretty much convincing me to cancel my appointment today. My wallet will thank you. Although, I might go one last time to ask him how he thinks I’m progressing. If he can give me an end date, I might stick with him. I don’t know. I keep going back and forth, as you can tell.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’d definitely talk with your primary care doctor about physical therapy.

        I mean, if it works for you, do it. But in my experience it was expensive and I’d feel great for about a day, then the pain would start back. So I had to keep coming back and he’d keep making money off of me and my insurance.

        I feel like physical therapy actually did something for me.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t trust chiropractors as far as I can throw them. HOWEVER, that being said for the brief period of time my husband went to one, he stopped walking whompasided. And within a couple of weeks of him NOT going, he started walking all whompasided again.

    In short, IDK. I wouldn’t keep going if I was in WORSE pain because of the things they did to me but you do you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I’m starting to think I just shouldn’t go back. I actually can’t believe I went in the first place. It was a combination of a lot of factors that brought me there. Not terribly interesting but I did write a post about it. Standing Tall (On the Wings of my Dreams?) https://restingbitchpersonality.wordpress.com/2017/05/09/standing-tall-on-the-wings-of-my-dreams/ via @wordpressdotcom if you are interested. I’m doing all this on my phone and the link doesn’t look right but let’s try it. Send.

      Like

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